Our Granny #14

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
Category: Grannyisms22 Comments

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People of a nervous disposition should consider long and hard before reading this post. It features examples of a critically out of control Granny and the damage she has caused this month. Jammy Toast cannot be held responsible for any resultant damage from reading this post.
Each month we tell you of the havoc our Granny has wreaked on the world around her – well this month she has surpassed herself. Granny has single-handedly brought Tesco, Halifax, eBay and PayPal to their knees. Granny has a lot of grief remembering passwords and so it all started when she tried to login to her Halifax account. It would not allow her to access her account saying that her username and password were incorrect. Granny was beside herself thinking she might have been hacked or someone might have been using her password to gain entry – the state of Granny’s passwords this would not be very difficult. She contacted Halifax to tell them she thinks her account might have been compromised and they did what all banks and building societies do under those circumstances, they suspended the account.

In the meantime, Granny was buying a new Dyson vacuum cleaner – she has two already so why she wanted another one is beyond us. She bought it from a company trading on eBay and paid for it through PayPal. She thought it would be great to have the tools to go with the new Dyson and so she ordered them from Curry’s. When the Dyson arrived she remembered she had also ordered the tools to go with the new vacuum cleaner from eBay. Granny now had two sets of tools and the dilemma of where to return the tools – EBay Company or Curry’s. She decided to contact Curry’s and explain her mistake.

Now Granny also has a Credit Card from Tesco and so she decided to check how much she had paid for the Dyson tools. Granny couldn’t login to Tesco either and now real panic was beginning to set in. Had all of Granny’s banking and credit cards been compromised?

Granny rang Tesco to check and they suspended her account while they investigated.

Now it is worth mentioning at this point that Granny does not like to do things by half. So off Granny goes down to the Halifax branch to see how they are getting on. However, she didn’t really make herself very clear and the staff in the branch thought this had just happened. Meanwhile, the call centre staff had sorted the problem out and had unlocked Granny’s account but now the branch staff, thinking this had just happened, froze her account again.

I hope you are keeping up at the back.

Next thing you know Curry’s are on the phone to express their undying loyalty to Granny and stating they understood how the mix up could have happened. Unfortunately, they were having difficult refunding her money for the tools because her bank account seemed to be suspended.

Yes, I was screaming by this time, too.

So now Granny comes to me and tells me what she has done. She also bet me £100 that I couldn’t sort the problem out. So I hop on to her laptop – never one to turn down one hundred Granny pounds – and tried to find out what had happened. Granny produces a folder with around fifty pieces of paper in it with account numbers and passwords and memorable phrases all scribbled down. Granny, in her mental confusion, had no idea which password was for which account and why the piece of paper headed “Halifax” had four different memorable phrases written on it.

So, to try and shorten this tale of woe, what Granny had been doing was using the Tesco password for her Halifax accounts and vice-versa. In some cases she had written down a new password – she does forget passwords at the rate of around three a week – lost the piece of paper and so just decided to try and get in with the old password. She then wonders why her account gets suspended after the seventy sixth failed login attempt.

Eventually, I managed to sort most of the confusion out and Granny can now get access to most of her accounts. There is however one little problem that we have to resolve before she can gain access to her Halifax account. Everything was working fine with that account for a day or two but then a letter arrived this morning stating that because of suspicious activity on her account they have suspended it again.

…and people wonder why I have grey hair and very little of it!

On the positive side, after half-an-hour of searching we cannot find any account of Granny’s where PayPal have taken the money out for the Dyson. So at present, we think Granny has got a free vacuum cleaner out of the deal.

Sometimes it pays to be Granny… and she has forgotten ever making the £100 bet with me, so I think I am going to have to jump for that!

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About the Author

Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!

22 Comments on “Our Granny #14”

  1. You really wouldnt want to be in a room with Granny and Dad you will come away with ringing in your ears and feeling like the world got quiet. They shout a lot. I dont mean a little here and there I mean CONSTANTLY it is booming top of their voices shouting at one another. No wonder Pauline takes Rico out for hours!!
    In other news Dads eyebrows are totally out of control!!

          1. Haha omg shutup those sweatpants you wear are welded to you. You never wear anything else. I remember when my dad could buy jeans and looked clean. Not anymore, not with that expanding waistline. Captain sweatpants all day and night!! Your a steg Im afraid Earl.


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