Our Granny #31

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
Category: Grannyisms46 Comments

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We laugh at Granny all the time here on Jammy Toast but one thing we will admit… she is always honest and trustworthy. She maybe forgetful, she maybe many things but always trustworthy – or so we thought. Last weekend Granny decided it was that day of the week again when she does the big shop. I am not really sure what “big shop” means to someone who goes shopping just about every day of the week, but that’s what she did. So just like Paddington Bear, off she went with her shopping trolley for her elevenses with Mr Grubber – or maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration?

So off she goes to Asda where she is pretty well known for her antics. She wanders around the store filling the store trolley with everything we needed and running over a few heels into the bargain. If Granny were a bird, her mating call would be, “Oops sorry!” as she runs over the painful part of your heel or ankle with the trolley. After she has maimed a few Asda shoppers she then heads off to the checkout.

At the checkout Granny can’t be bothered with the hustle and bustle of the normal checkouts so she heads for the self-service one. She starts scanning her items as she puts them through and then into her own shopping trolley. Over and over, she picks her items out of the store’s trolley, through the scanner and into her shopping trolley.

Now we all know that Granny is pretty forgetful so when she has finished scanning and packing all the shopping, she fastens up her shopping trolley, places the store trolley into the rack and heads for the exit. She is just leaving the shop as a security guard pounces and tells her she has not paid for her shopping.

Granny was embarrassed but totally apologetic and explained to the security guard that she wasn’t trying to steal the shopping, she had simply forgotten to punch in her pin number and retrieve her debit card. To prove it she had actually left her debit card in the machine. No real harm done and I am sure many others have committed a similar faux pas previously. Granny is never happy performing a simple run-of-the-mill act of forgetfulness and so was off to see if she could outdo herself.

Off she went to Iceland to get a few more bits and pieces and not to be put off by her Asda experience, heads for the self-service checkout again. Yes, you are all probably way ahead of me by now, she only did exactly the same thing again. Tried to walk out of the store without paying for her shopping again!

Once she got home I tried to explain to her she was going to have to come up with a better plan than this because her attempts at shoplifting meant she had to leave her debit card behind and the store would be able to trace her.

Come on Granny, get your thinking cap on, you need a better plan!

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About the Author

Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!


46 Comments on “Our Granny #31”

    1. We have all offered and then she sneaks out. Saturday morning she goes out to get a few bits and is usually gone an hour or so. Today she went out and was gone three hours!! She hadn’t told anyone and no one knew where she was!?

  1. at weekends i’m either drinking too much wine, crying and making a tit of myself or i’m in my pj’s making home made soup and drinking green tea. there is no in between, this weekend you’ll be glad to know i’m making soup and being a child of god.

  2. Wonder how many lads will be trying to avoid all the girls they’ve shagged behind their birds back while they’re with her at the Pleasurerooms Reunion tonight?

  3. Finding it quite rude that the pleasure rooms couldn’t wait a bit longer to have their reunion like but w/e. I’ll just remember that come Christmas morning!

    If someone could cheer me up that would be fantastic. I’ll probably have a negative for every positive you give me but the least you can do is try.

  4. My human grows plants to sell and raise funds for us. I love the ones they call “fuchsias”. They even have their own names, which I think is weird, but I’m only a cat, so what do I know?

  5. “Somebody will have to do something,” thought Piglet, “and I hope they will do it soon.”
    You can imagine Piglet’s joy when at last he saw the good ship, ‘The Brain of Pooh’ (Captain, C.Robin; 1st Mate, P.Bear) coming over the sea to rescue him…

  6. Rolf report Oct 6

    As well as being an eminent Economic Historian, Claudia is a fabulous campus mom to me. When I get soaked by rain, she dries my jacket whilst I groom myself dry. Claudia didn’t choose me, I chose her. I just started turning up in her office in Economics.

    Rolf x

  7. Listen all joking aside my ma clattered the head off me it didn’t do me any harm that being said I don’t smack my kids I don’t think you should have to x

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