Anyway, Purple Aki Is This Big Black Man Who Terrored Liverpool && The Wools From Birkenhead, St Helens && Southport For Years.. He Was Like The Bogey Man.. He Loved Goin The Gym && Feelin Lads Muscles && Tha.. His Real Name Was Akinwale Arobieke Or Somethin && I Heard He Used To Work As A Cleaner In The Tunnels.. He Lived In This Big Block Of Flats On The Ralla Estate In Tocky, Where All The Brave Kids Used To Terror The Place.. They Would Run Home For Their Mummies When Aki Come Out Though, So They Obvs Wasnt That Brave.. They Never Played Knock && Run At His House!!
He Was Dead Big && Musslie, So The Bizzies Would Never Touch Him && Even Though He Used To Mess Wif Kids Da Gangsters Never Touched Him Either.. Some Say That He Was On The Dole As Well As Workin In The Tunnels && He Used To Go && Sign On In Williamson Square But They Never Called Him In For Them Restart Interviews Because They Was Scared About Him Kicking Off..
Mothers Used To Scare The Kids Sayin, “Watch Out Or Purple Aki Will Get Yas,” So He Was Scary Even Before Ya Saw Him.. He Was Like A Legend.. Me Dad Always Used To Tell Me To Go The Shop For His Biftas && I Would Say, “Aww Fukk Off Dad, Am Busy Here.” So He Used To Say, “I Will Pure Tell Purple Aki Where Ya Live If Ya Dont Go,” So I Went The Shop!
The Kids Used To Call Him ‘Pop & Slash’ Because He Used To Either Bum Ya Or Slash Ya With A Knife If Ya Never Let Him.. He Let You Pick.. When He Wasnt Workin He Would Sit On The Train All Day Talkin To People && He Was Dead Creepy.. No One Believed It Was Him Until Someone Went Up To Him && Went “Are You Purple Aki??” && He Said “Yes!!” So Am Guessing It Was Him Lyk.. Someone Said That They Made That Film Candyman About Him, I Dont Know Myself But That Was One Scary Film Though..
Me Mate Used To Live In Garston && He Said It Used To Get Dead Scary When His Latest Story Come Out About Purple Aki’s Popin && Slashin.. One Day He Went Into JJB Sport && One Of The Lads In There Went “Fukin Ell, Its Purple Aki” && Aki Went “Yea So What??” && Legged The Lad All Round The Shop.. The Security Saw This Happening But They Were Having None Of It && Got Off On Their Lunch.. Someone Rang The Police But They Never Even Turned Up Cos They Were Shit Scared.. This Meant That People Were Getting Really Pissed Off About Him.. One Day Loads Of Dads && Big Brothers Went Looking For Him With Knives && Baseball Bats.. He Twatted Most Of Them && The Others Legged It But He Did Have To Go To Hozzy, Lyk.
He Did Get Into Trouble In New Brighton One Time Though.. He Was Chasin Some Lad To Bum Him && The Kid Ran On The Train Tracks && Got Killed By A Train.. Aki Went To Prison For That && When He Come Out The Police Said He Wasnt Allowed Back In Liverpool So He Ended Up In Runcorn && Widnes For A While.. Theres Even Stories About Him In Manchester These Days Too, So He Must Be All Over.
I Saw Him Once When I Was On A Train On Me Own.. I Kept Thinkin That I Will Have To Get His Photo But It Was Too Obvious, He Was Sitting Opposite Looking In My Direction.. I Was Thinkin, Davidd Will Never Believe Me If I Dont Get His Photo.. So Am Sittin There Looking At Me Phone Gettin Ready If He Turned Away From Me To Quickly Take His Photo .. He Wasnt Lookin Away Though So I Started Thinkin Why Dont I Just Be Nice To Him && Ask If It Is Him But I Couldnt Remember His Real Name To Ask.. Just Sayin, “Excuse Me, Are You Purple Aki??” Is Like Dead Racist.. The Only Other Name I Could Think Of Was “The Gym Pest From The North West” But That Was Probably Worse.. I Watch True Crime Shit On The Telly && That Last One Would Probably Get Me Killed && On Me Very Own True Crime Episode..
Thats When I Had A Brain Wave && I Said To Him, “Hey Mate, Do I Know You From Somewhere??”
He Just Looked At Me && Said No.. You Should Have Heard His Voice.. It Is The Deepest Voice I Have Ever Heard && I Noticed Somethin Else Too.. He Never Had A Carrier Bag With Him.. Everytime I Have Seen His Photo On Facebook Or Insta He Is Always Carryin A Supermarket Carrier Bag.. I Decided Not To Say Anything Else Cos He Probably Wasnt In A Very Good Mood With All The Gyms Being Closed For The Rona.. Bet He Was Fumin!!
Aki Is The Worst Nutter To Come Out Of Liverpool But There Are Loads More Too.. I Can Tell Ya About Them Another Time.. There Not All Bad Like Aki && Loads Of Them Are Dead Funny.
That Was Pure The Best Story I Have Ever Wrote.. I Should Have Done This For Me GCSE && I Might Have Passed Then.
This Post Is A Rewrite.This post originally appeared on Jammy Toast many years ago in the Andreaesse Language. Andreaa then re-wrote it on Andreaa’s Blog which she has accused me of ‘destroying’ when we restarted Jammy Toast. To appease the Mighty Andreaa,
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