Razzi Writes #73

Posted by Erasmus 'Razzi' Bear on
Category: Razzi's Columns40 Comments

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Hello everyone. I am not a great sports fan normally, but I have been getting into some of the sports around here lately. The Cricket World Cup is on – no talking while Davidd is watching that – and Wimbledon is on – disturb Granny at your peril – not to mention the Women’s Football World Cup. The women’s football has proven to be a big disappointment to me, I watched a whole 90 minutes of one game and they didn’t even swapped shirts at the end. Then there is a new sport invented by the Ambassador to America. It is a kind of bear-baiting with Donald Trump but I am not totally convinced that is a proper sport. Mind you, I was shocked at Sir Kim Darroch saying Trump was “inept, insecure and incompetent” after working as the Ambassador for the last few years – I mean why did it take him so long to work that out?

The one thing that confuses me about sport though, is some of the technical terms. At Wimbledon for example, why does the man sitting in his high-chair keep calling people love? Not to mention Set, Deuce, Seed, Let and I even heard someone mention something about a Bagel. Then there is the scoring, can’t people at Wimbledon count? In football, if you score a goal then your team’s score goes up by one. I understand that, it is perfectly logical. But in tennis if you score a point then it goes straight to 15. Score again, and it goes up to 30. That’s fine, we’re getting the hang of it now, it’s all about multiples of 15, so your next point should take you up to 45… Hang on? Where did 40 come from?

Now some of you who like tennis might be thinking that’s just the way it is, you have to get used to it. I bet you are laughing at me over Bagel though, thinking I have got something wrong, but no. I heard some of the commentators referring to a set as a bagel. Apparently, if you are rubbish and don’t win a game in a set then it is called a bagel because you have scored a zero – and that’s exactly what a bagel looks like. So a set where a player fails to win a game is called a bagel. Even Granny Evonne Goolagong didn’t know that one!

I am sure they make things up in tennis too. I heard the commentator talking about “racquet rage” the other day when a player was shouting a lot. I am not sure how many points you get for being the loudest though, it just confused me. Personally, I will be happy when the football comes back next month. They know how to count properly in football – just hope I don’t have to explain the offside rule to Granny again!

French Demonstration

French Demonstration.

Finally, I have to confess to even more confusion in my column this month. Some women over in France have been protesting against something by holding banners and walking around topless. They held one of their demonstrations outside L’Arc de Triomphe and I would just like to state for the record, I have no idea what they are protesting about, but I agree!

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About the Author

Erasmus 'Razzi' Bear

Self-confessed playbear and lady-killer; Razzi has the heart of many of our friends at his beck and call. Although very hard working in his daytime job as an Assistant Driving Instructor, he also likes to play very hard when the day is done. A smouldering look from Razzi has been known to melt many a fair maiden’s icy heart!

40 Comments on “Razzi Writes #73”

    1. There was a man on the bus today I actually just gipped. He was burnt bald. He had itchy peeling scabs on his head and was itchy and scratchying them. It was VILE.

      In other news I told some 14 year old he was a dickhead. My Aspergers was in full swing today :roflao:

  1. hate it when you start eating healthily and your body goes into that much shock due to all the previous abuse, that you have to go to bed at 7pm to stop you snorting the contents of the kitchen cupboards.

  2. Sometimes it’s best not to worry one’s furry little head about such things as idiot politicians, game scoring or protests, but just enjoy the game, Razzi! :o)

  3. Jack Russell’s are just killing machines aren’t they ? Bought Knobhead a cuddly fox thing on Sunday. He’s spent the night disembowelling it !

    He only does vicious & horny, nothing in between .

  4. If the English Language had been properly organised, then there would be a word which meant both “he” AND “she”, and I could write, “If John or Mary comes, heesh will want to play tennis,” which would save a lot of trouble.

  5. Rehearsals went brilliantly yesterday. Everybody was in fine form. Great to have Hayley, Adam and Alfie on the stage as that reduces the average age to the low 60’s. More rehearsals today and tomorrow and the next day and the afternoon of Saturday.

    We got through half the tea bags, coffee and milk yesterday, so no need to stock up today… however the toilet rolls seem depleted.

  6. Facebook never fails a man looking for advice because he doesn’t love his wife anymore and has fallen for someone else, he wants to know should he just stay with her for the sake of the kids. This is the advice someone gave him…

    Well if he has no feelings for the wife and he’s smashing the rasher off someone else who he’s in “love” with what’s the point in staying with the wife if he’s gonna be off riding the growler off this other one? Surely that’s not gonna be good for him or his wife or kids. Grow a pair of balls and make a decision ffs. Does his wife know he’s shoving the one eyed purple warrior into your woman’s snack box?
  7. Can someone tell Sturridge he can have my dogs? Mine have just kicked up such a fuss at the gas man I am sweating actual beads and have more dog hairs on me than they do, combined.

  8. James Milner has won LFC’s pre-season lactate test and fair play to the lad, but I can’t see what relevance breastfeeding has on his ability to play football.

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