PTSD And Memory Loss In Renault Bears

Posted by Einstein Bear on
Category: Our Bears/Bearkeepers47 Comments

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Eddie & Chimpy having a little talk in bed.

Renault Bears have a great little defence mechanism to protect us from harm. Our bearkeeper first came across Renault Bears in 2006 when he was asked to take a Renault Bear on holiday with him. The bear, like so many others, had been discovered in a charity shop window by a friend of our bearkeeper called Tony. Tony was walking past an Age Concern shop one day, when he noticed two little eyes looking out at him. Tony smiled at the bear who, being a polite bear, smiled and nodded back at Tony. During the rest of that day, Tony couldn’t get that little bear out of his head. That night he actually worried what would become of that little bear.

Our Imaginary Friend

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
Category: Friends & Relatives42 Comments

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Clothing similar to our friend’s.

Here at Jammy Toast, I only ever really mention Chimpton of the three children I have. I do actually have a son and another daughter. Natalie was also adopted as a problem child who used to constantly argue with her birth family. Then one day she tried to murder her mother for daring to wear her favourite fluffy pink slippers. So rather than have her sectioned under the mental health act, I adopted her to go along with Chimpton – the child I had adopted from Vietnam following the war. Chimpton suffered from mental health issues from the war and Nat never quite got over the fluffy pink slippers incident – they got on like a house on fire. My son’s beginning was a little more straight-forward in that – like most children – I found him at the bottom of the garden underneath a gooseberry bush. His name is James. I also had a wife who I purchased from the internet but as people-trafficking is illegal these days I had better not go into more details. I tell you all this to complete the family tree and so that the story I am about to share will make more sense.

A New Home For Chimpton

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
Category: Health/Wealth24 Comments

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Some of you will have noticed that Chimpton has been getting more and more agitated recently. Her Asperger’s is running out of control and her Tourette’s is getting “fooking” worse. The amount of prescribed medication she is taking has reached the level where it now has to be delivered by DHL – and she still wants more. She is also beginning to lose her slender grasp on the reality she once had under control – many years ago now. Once upon a time, Chimpton and I would make plans for Granny’s meandering wander down the path to dotage and the steps we would take when she got beyond rational help. This has now turned full-circle to the point where Granny and I are needing plans for Chimpton’s fall into the abyss of psychiatric turmoil. Basically, her cheese has now well and truly slipped off her cracker!

A Question From Yesterday

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
Category: Ramblings29 Comments

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So as you will all know, yesterday was Father’s Day. The time of the year when children honour their father and celebrate fatherhood, paternal bonds and the influence of fathers in society. In Catholic Europe, it has been celebrated on 19th March (St Joseph’s Day) since the Middle Ages. This celebration was passed by the Spanish and Portuguese to Latin America, where 19th March is often still used to this day. Some American countries have adopted the US date which is the third Sunday in June. It is celebrated on various days in many parts of the world, most commonly in the months of March, April and June. Personally, I think it is a bit wrong because there isn’t a Children’s day but then others say that every day is Children’s Day so Fathers should have this one day to themselves.

Chimpton For Sale

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
Category: Friends & Relatives31 Comments

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Iwas under the impression that we couldn’t get much lower here on Jammy Toast. We have previously had a Teddy Bear’s Picnic in Wallasey Central Park when we were pointed at by children and adults alike. Many of whom probably thinking we were certifiable. We have had a Tomato Fight in Birkenhead Park with Chimpton stripping down to her underwear so as not to get tomatoes on her clothes – the shame! We have had her jail-baiting American’s in the Dominican Republic not to mention leading barmen on in Portugal and lusting after German tourists in Speedos. Now the lowest of the low; last night she was not only flashing her bits but encouraging others to do the same! All this and much, much more has lead me to believe it is time to cut our losses and sell Chimpton to the highest bidder.

My Name Is Chimpton And I Am An Alcoholic

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
Category: Food & Drink28 Comments

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Chimpton, never happier than when she has a drink in her hand!

This week seems to be the week for confessions and so I think it is time to get the big one out of the way. We have told of past lies to you, our loyal Toasters, and I have also made a few confessions about things we have said here on Jammy Toast in the past. Now, after some of the nonsensical comments Chimpton has left about her bald Dad needing a hair-cut, it is becoming more and more obvious that she has a drink problem. To be fair to Chimpton she has always been open and above-board about her stoner habits – she could even put Jay & Silent Bob to shame – but has always been in denial about her drinking. Now is time for a confessional.

Confessions Of A Bearkeeper

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
Category: Friends & Relatives26 Comments

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Dr Davidd OBE DASc & The Real Slim Shady Chimpton.

On Saturday I told you all that we had lied about the identity of my Vietnamese born daughter and that she was really the girl in the pictures. Well – as most of you did in fact realise, judging by the comments we received – I did in fact lie! There is no way I would have paid £2.50 for the girl in Saturday’s pictures. In fact, they would have had to pay me a great deal more to cart “her” away. When I say “her” I am revealing another lie because the girl in the pictures isn’t even the same girl, but two different girls. However, both girls featured in Saturday’s story – and this is the scary bit – are both the same age as Chimpton. Actually they were both in her class at school.