Girls, do you think you know your old fella quite well? You know his favourite film, you’ve bought his favourite lager for him, and you’ve done that thing with his balls that he likes (you little dirt, am onto yooz). Thing is, you’ve never truly seen your fella untill you’ve watched him watch football. Every normal lad watches football in Liverpool, if he doesn’t, its all over. Be arsed with him, sittn there watching Scrapheap Challenge and thinking its fuckin boss. So really, you should take some comfort from the fact your fella watches togger, he’s normal and scouse if he does. Obviously, its got to either be Everton or Liverpool — any other team is a wool team. So if he starts saying some bollocks like “I think tranmere will be promoted again this season,” or “You should come and watch a Bury match with me one day,” its all over. Just put your coat on and bail. He’ll only moan and give you shit about supporting a team from liverpool anyway and whos got time for all that shit? Also, don’t accept the idea that your fella is alright coz he supports Liverpool, but he’s from Bury. Sorry, that doesn’t make your situation any better. A wools a wool. Soz!
Davidd and I are 57 years old next month and during those years we have watched some great sporting events. Today, we would like to continue our series of posts where we recall our memories of those events featuring some of our greatest heroes. We have lived through England winning the World Cup (we were a little young, though), Muhammad Ali’s greatest fights, Stoke City winning the League Cup and Botham’s Ashes. Some great times and even more great memories which we hope to share with you during the coming months. Today we would like to share our memories off…
Last night we all gathered around the telly to watch the match between Sutton and Arsenal, looking to see if there would be a giant-killing act. Half-way through the second half, we had to laugh when Sutton’s reserve goalkeeper and member of the coaching staff, Wayne Shaw, who is no small man, started tucking into one of the club’s pies. We could just imagine the crowd singing “Who Ate All The Pies” at him and it was a funny bit of banter. However, the Football Association are now investigating a potential breach of betting rules.
We like to think that we are pretty broadminded here at Jammy Toast. There is not much which will shock us and I guess there is nothing much we have not seen before, if we are being honest. That was true until last night, while we were channel flipping to find something to watch, when we came across something which totally took our attention. There on screen was quite an attractive young Asian lady without many clothes on and in plain sight were her breasts. Again this is nothing we haven’t seen before and, needless to say, it caught our attention and we sat spellbound by this beauty from Thailand. Then, as the camera moved down, there it was in all its glory – A PENIS!
We have to admit that sometimes we tell the strangest stories here on Jammy Toast but today we think we have the fishiest tale yet with a goldfish who likes playing football. Yes, you read that correctly – it is a goldfish that plays football or soccer as our American friends call it. We have seen the video which shows off the impressive athletic abilities of “Span,” a goldfish who repeatedly pushes a soccer ball into a net, prompted by the command of his trainer. We aren’t so sure about Span’s passing abilities, but his training program? Well, it’s going swimmingly.
Tonight everyone here at Jammy Toast will be settling down in front of the Sky HD Box to watch Manchester United against Cambridge United in the FA Cup Fourth Round match between the giants and the minnows. The Manchester club are giants of the Premier League while Cambridge are struggling down in twelfth place in the Second Division – only a few places above our beloved Tranmere Rovers. Despite us being plastic Scousers here at Jammy Toast we are not “Manc Haters” but we just can’t but help to be shouting for the underdogs tonight.