Da Brings Great Uncle Bimbo Home

Posted by Davidd Birko
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Category: Memories57 Comments

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s we have thrown the old Jammy Toast out with the bath water and started over, I thought I would start right at the very beginning with my first ever day in this world. Although, if I am completely honest, I don’t really remember much about it but I am reliably informed that it did happen. I was born at 4:19am on the morning of 24th October 1960 at St Catherine’s Hospital. I was all alone with just Granny for company. Try and stick with me here because this could get very confusing regarding names. Granny is really my mother but because my daughter calls her ‘Granny’, the name has stuck and these days we all call her Granny. Anyway, back to the hospital, the reason I was all alone with Granny was because my Dad was in the Merchant Navy and he was away at sea.

My Granddad – The Liar

Posted by Davidd Birko
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Category: Friends & Relatives54 Comments

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have given you proof in the past of my Granddad’s lying and today I have remembered another example – as if further proof was needed. Let me recap for those who don’t remember the past examples I have provided because this man’s lying is legendary. The first example I can remember was when I was a young child and he told me that the reason Police Officers wore very high helmets was so that they could hide their sandwiches for lunch underneath their helmet. They also had a sort of ‘spike’ on top of these helmets but that was really a thermos flask to keep their coffee hot and the badge on the front was really a tea/coffee dispensing button. Some of you might think that was just a Granddad having fun with his first-born grandchild but I believed him – after all he was my Granddad (or Da as I called him).

Our Granny (And Marg) #36

Posted by Davidd Birko
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Category: Grannyisms68 Comments

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nfortunately Granny is getting very sneaky lately. She is hiding her Grannyisms from me and so the number she performs has dwindled. Most of her Classic Grannyisms happen elsewhere and we rely on her to inform on herself – lately, she’s just not been playing ball. She is too busy sneaking out of the house and hoarding groceries and toilet paper from the shops. Luckily, we have someone else to take her place. Lately Chimpton has been staying with an elderly relative who goes by the name of Marg and her “Margisms” are nearly as good as Granny’s Grannyisms. In some cases even better. Here at Jammy Toast we are fast approaching the realisation that it is all old people who perform these amazing feats and not just Granny. Before we start we must state that Marg is as deaf as a post but refuses to wear her hearing aids inside the house, instead she has the telly on the highest volumes imaginable AND has the subtitles on in case she misses anything.

Granny’s Soul Mate Heads For Rome

Posted by Davidd Birko
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Category: Grannyisms38 Comments

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ere at Jammy Toast we are used to Granny performing all manner of weirdness and we don’t really bat an eyelid these days – she’s usually done it all before. However, one story caught our eye recently which made us realise there are other versions of Granny out there – or even Grandpas. Luigi Rimonti is an 81 year old Italian who has lived in Newcastle since 1965 and decided he wanted to make a return to his home country and make a pilgrimage to the Vatican. The only fly in the ointment was the fact he hates flying.

Great Uncle Bimbo Remembers #30

Posted by Great Uncle Bimbo, MBE
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Category: Great Uncle Bimbo31 Comments

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he very first thing I can remember as a young bear was sitting in Robbs Department Store in Birkenhead. Robbs – or Robb Brothers Limited, to give it the correct title – was a large department store established in Charing Cross, Birkenhead in 1872. There were lots of shops in Grange Road. At the Grange Road West end is where “Robbs” stood, a large store which was rather up market compared to Allinson’s at the other end of Grange Road. In between – from what I can remember – there was Woodson’s (a grocery shop), Waterworth’s (a green grocers), Timpson’s (the shoe shop), Pyke’s (the jewellers), The Co-op and Woolworths plus many more.

Davidd’s Doodles #3

Posted by Davidd Birko
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Category: Doodles22 Comments

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uring some recent maintenance work on Jammy Toast, I discovered an old post called Davidd’s Doodles. It was from way back in 2011 but I had no memory of ever posting it or why I called it Davidd’s Doodles – although I can imagine it was so I could just waffle away about anything I choose. However, I never posted another one and seeing as everyone else around here has a column named after them, then I don’t see why I shouldn’t doodle away too. So Davidd’s Doodles will appear every now and again and allow me the chance to just pass on information, waffle away to my heart’s content (don’t I anyway?) or undertake any other task I so desire. Read on

Classic Toasts Retold #4

Posted by Davidd Birko
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Category: Classic Toast18 Comments

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Granny And The Pigeons

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or a few weeks now Granny has been feeding the pigeons that gather around the house. One or two of the birds used to be on the roof or in the back garden and Granny got into the habit of feeding them any left-over bread or some of the seeds she buys for the budgies. This then escalated, when she discovered that you could buy wild-bird food, to the point where she now spends more on bird-food than she does on human-food.