Soz i never wrote yas nothin’ last week but i got back from holiday on the monday, went back to work on tuesday && was back in hospital on wednesday with another panic attack thingy.. i start panicking because i get pains in me stomach that are unbelievable.. they are that bad they make ya wanna cry.. To make matters worse me heart starts racing too && they have to give me stuff to slow it down or i might have a heart attack.. So first the hospital said it could be appendicitis so I told em that i have had that before && this pain is in a different place.. so unless me appendix have gone off on a mission it aint that.. Next thing they said maybe i am pregnant.. i told em that is not likely cos ive got those cyst things on me ovaries so am probably not gonna get pregnant that easy..
Only me comes on holiday && ends up in hospital.. FML!! Haven’t got a clue wot happened.. I was in the bar havin’ a drink with me mum && my chest went proper tight.. I went up to the room to get me mum’s spray but by the time i got there i couldnt even breathe.. So i took the inhaler && it just got worse.. Next thing ya know am in an ambulance being taken to hospital soon as am here they put me on a drip && ive got a cannula in the back of my hand.. They said my heart was racing too && so they put me on an ecg machine && give me something to slow it down && stuff.. I had to stay in overnight so while i was bored i thought i better let yas all know so ya can get flowers for me funeral && tha!!
If there is one thing I fuckin’ hate about coming back from holiday is everyone asking if you had a good time.. What’s worse than that is when you had a godshite of a holiday!! It all went wrong right from the start.. We got to Manchester airport && there was a power cut.. The whole airport wasn’t cut off just the bit that pumps fuel into aeroplanes && our plane only had 2 hours of fuel on it.. It takes about 4 hours to fly to Turkey.. So we sat in the plane for 2½ hours thinking what to do next.. Then some fucking brain-of-britain contestant said why dont we fly somewhere else && refuel there?? Brilliant.. So we took off && flew to Birmingham airport but because we weren’t meant to go there we had to circle for 40 minutes waiting for permission to land.. Yea great idea that!!
It has been a pretty quiet week this week compared to what happened last week – thank God!! The lads Ma come in the shop the other day && brought me some flowers which was dead nice of her.. She said her son was doing okay in hospital && was not going to be brain damaged or anything which is what they thought might happen to begin with.. Merseyside is getting like the wild west these days.. Last week on Merseyside there were four knifings, two shootings && a load of attacks with iron bars && baseball bats.. Lorah said to me the other day that we are getting rid of the police && we’re getting a sheriff && a few deputies on horseback.. We only have to rename Liverpool to Tombstone && we’re laughing..
So I started me new job at the Kwik-E-Mart && i fuckin’ hate it.. More to the point i hate the fat, lazy bastard who i have to work with.. At the Kwik-E-Mart because stores are open from 6am until 11pm then they have two managers, me && the fat kunt.. This week he is working the early shift && I am on the lates.. There is one hour overlap so we can meet up && discuss any problems or plans for the shop.. I haven’t seen him once all week because he doesn’t get in until about half-six && he is usually gone by 11am.. All the staff are complaining to me that their wages are wrong && yet he wont give me the password for the payroll system && says he will deal with it.. My bet is its because he has fucked the whole thing up.. The store is filthy && he has overstocked on all kinds which means the wastage levels are unbelievable.. The idea of having two managers is so you can consult && work together but he just keeps everything to himself because I think he is scared of me finding out he has fucked everything up.. But I am on to ya mate!!
Hiya Everyone && As Yas Can Probably Tell Am Back From Me Little Holiday To Turkeyy.. Don’t Ask Me If I Had A Good Time Or Owt Coz I Can’t Remember.. It Was Me Birthday While I Was Away So I Spent Most Of Me Hols Pissed.. Normally When I Go On Holiday I Drink Loads But Coz It Was Me Birthday I Was Even Worse Than Normal.. && Before Davidd Grasses On Me,, I Met This Lad Out There && I Ended Up Wiff A Big Spammy On Me Neck && He Even Give Me One On Me Face!! It Was That Bad It Ended Up All Bruised So Am Now Back Home Walkin Round Liverpool With A Big Bruise On Me Cheek.. I Wouldn’t Mind But The Lad Did It Right In Front Of Me Mum Who Thought It Was The Funniest Thing Ever!! She Was Pissing Herself Laughing At Him.. I Was Like Mum,, I’m Ya Little Princess Ya Meant To Protect Me From Lads..
Following the subject of the last two posts I awoke this morning to read the paper when I came across the following in the Daily Mirror. The Gag Vault often hits the nail on the head when it comes to making funny cartoons but today they have surpassed themselves with their insight into Davidd and his eating habits. He wants to be good and, as we already know, he loves attracting the young hunks on South Beach in Florida but alas the food usually wins. Just look at the following and laugh…