As we all know, here at Jammy Toast, teddy bears can be quite adventurous and have even been known to wander off from time to time. Unfortunately, this has proven catastrophic for one teddy bear who has gone off on his own for a walk and got lost. Although he may not have travelled as far as Paddington did from Peru, he has still ended up a long way from home. The teddy bear was in hospital with his owner when he decided to do a little investigating and unfortunately ended up at Abertawe Bro Morgannwg Health Board’s laundry department in Llansamlet, Swansea.
Over the years we have been accused of exaggerating the truth here on Jammy Toast, or even completely making up some of the stories we tell, but I swear this story is true. A burglar was caught after he had sex with a teddy bear while raiding a shed. Police discovered his DNA inside the toy after they found a hole cut in the bear. Paul Mountain, 38, said he was coming down from amphetamines and felt an “overwhelming need” for sexual relief, the Lancashire Telegraph has reported. It is believed he cut the hole in the poor, defenceless bear before getting down to business.
I was reading through the news today, when I came across a story of some robotic bears who are being developed to help make sick kids better. Huggable is a project of the Personal Robots Group at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT). They are running research to see how robots could help sick or injured children. The bear integrates an Android smart phone for its computing power and all systems look set for tests to take place with kids in hospitals in America. Well excuse me for pouring scorn on such an esteemed institute as MIT but kids have been playing with teddy bears for over a century now and they always make kids feel better so why do they suddenly need a robotic, computerised bear?
If there is one programme on the telly that brings all the bears to attention, it is Gogglebox. You can forget about Leon and June’s years of wisdom, here at Jammy Toast there is only one star of the Channel 4 shows worth listening to when it comes to… well just about everything really – and that is Scarlett Moffatt. The likes of Leon and June might have years on her, but when it comes to politics, religion and even television, no-nonsense Scarlett has the inborn ability to cut through everything and say just what we are all thinking. So, in honour of her ability to hit nails on the head so precisely whilst simultaneously making us crack up, here are some of her greatest pearls of wisdom…
Sir David Nicholas Cannadine Kt, FBA, FRSL, FRHistS is a British historian who is best known for a number of books he has written including The Decline and Fall of the British Aristocracy and Ornamentalism. He is also a prominent commentator and broadcaster on British public life, especially the monarchy. He serves as the general editor of the Penguin History of Europe series and is currently a professor at Princeton University. In other words, he is a pretty high-brow historian who has written many articles on very intellectual subjects and would be the last person you would suspect of having anything to do with teddy bears. However, his latest article considers the enduring appeal of teddy bears for both children and adults.
Anew survey suggests that a large number of teddy bears use social media websites and travel on holiday with their adult companions covering on average over 10,000 miles in their lifetimes. This proves that although most people start the relationships with bears while they are small, many carry that relationship into adult life. However, the biggest surprise revealed in the survey is that men are twice as likely to set up a profile for a teddy bear friend, online.
Christmas is slowly creeping up on us so I thought it was time to give you all some very important present ideas. I told The Bearkeeper that I just had to share this information with everyone because it is so important. It is not very often that I get this feeling of importance but when I do, I think that I should be made a top priority around here. This is essential stuff we are talking about. I am going to share with you something which could very well improve the life of many of you. My distinguished readers, friends, ladies, gentlemen and anyone else reading this, it gives me great pleasure to introduce you to, the one and only present worthy of consideration this year…