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You have been warned!
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71 Comments on “Talking Shit #226”
Happy Friday!!
Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.
Happy Friday to everyone except Presidents who say they don’t need to wear a mask and then catch the Rona.
Lets do some weekend!!
Fuck it, it’s Friday.
Pssst come over… I have Jam Roly Poly.
Not only do I hope Trump dies, I hope he chokes and shits himself.
ADVISORY FOR UK CATS: Storm Alex is due to arrive this weekend. Get yourself in a nice warm and cosy spot and stay there all weekend. So basically the usual routine.
Help us and save us…my dream today is to make America America again….
Here’s to a weekend of trying to stop my puppy eating the sofa. And my chairs. And the cookbooks. And the seven year old.
Bless my dad who has painted my lounge three different shades of paint bc I’m a fussy bastard.
Apologies. Previous techie fell from window while leaning out to achieve Wi-Fi signal. His family have been notified.
This 10pm / One household policy is going to kill Newcastle
I have a new kitten. Please say hello to “Peanut”…
Every where I go I always seem to attract fucking loons. Sat in the dentists waiting room and this fella starts off with “IMAGINE if an atom bomb was dropped on Liverpool.” Got enough going on with corona ye soft cunt.
He’s been at the gas that fella, who the fcuk just randomly thinks stuff like that?
My birthday is in October. Just sayin…
Girls have a lovely long soak and feel great until there bath water starts dribbling out their fannies on the way to meet their first date. I remember being pregnant and phoning the ozzy Cos me waters had broke, it was just bath water hahahahahahahahha.
If anyone says your bath water has never came out your fanny you’re lying!
I can 100% categorically deny that water has never come out of my fanny!!
Focus on the flowing waves to enter a state of Pumpkin Spice serenity.
And NOW what are you eating, Lupa?
My soup is gorgeous. Dunno what else to tell ya like.
Clarification: We will get through this – but only if you lot work together while we do whatever the fuck we want.
Looks like I picked the wrong night to not have insomnia last night.
I haven’t even opened the wine yet. Bars open in 5 mins.
I haven’t seen my brother for 4 years I reached out to him today, he told me he didn’t fancy ‘a line n a can’ and to grow up n blocked me.
The difference between men and women is actually very simple.
One has a wo at the start and the other doesn’t.
Razzbox the ONE DRINK AWAY video is out now!! I’m so excited for you to see it!!
https://youtu.be/xShuZve-Bi0
i dont usually argue with people on instagram but theres people attacking the scouse accent on one of my posts. il have a gin and think about replying x
I have the fire and a massive pink baby grow on. Happy Friday x
World’s gone fucking mad.
Says something that the most intimate I get with my trophy wife lately is using her face mask to nip The Asda!
Turns out that having Stupid Hair, Orange skin and being a fucking Massive racist are not actually Mild Symptoms of Covid 19. Yep.
Covid 19 advice there.
when your mum starts talking to you and goes through all your brother & sisters names, the cats, the dogs and every other fuckers name before she gets to yours. fuck sake get it together jean.
I love fully intact socks. Proper luxury if they’re a pair and there’s no holes in sight.
Saturdays as good a day as any to come to look at some dinosaurs!
If you Do Not wear a Mask to avoid getting ill, when all the advice says wear a mask to avoid getting ill, do not be surprised if you get ill.
Not Getting ill advice there.
If the light wasn’t in there, fat people might not notice how much food was in the fridge and would eat less.
I just said “where did I puttie my hoodie”. Out loud.
I’m 45.
I know that picnic benches are supposed to be for picnics but honestly, they make perfect sun-loungers. The wood heats up nicely and there’s plenty of room to stretch out. There’s only one thing missing – can you guess what it is? (thanks Andy for another lovely photo)
Christopher Robin opened his umbrella and put it in the water. It floated but wobbled. Pooh got in. He was just beginning to say that it was all right now, when he found that it wasn’t, so after a short drink, they both got in together, and it wobbled no longer.
We got an email saying that we need things like tripe soup, tripe curry, tripe bolgnese or tripe crisps to win folk over. Myself I don’t fancy any of what she suggested above but gotta try and keep up to date with modern tastes/ideas.
The key to eternal youth is keeping an open mind – unless, like Nigel Farage, yours was locked shut in 1965 and someone threw away the key.
Morning Campers. My trophy wife is off the hairdressers for 8.30. I’ve already been mugged for £100.
May as well get up. Curtains are open, windows too, some moronic pap is on the radio and she’s banging the doors. Whereas I slip out the door like a elderly ninja.
Every fuckin weekend I get up at bells when I’ve got no work, itching for a dirty 12 hour kip here.
Rolf report 3 Oct
My American human got his favourite boots in Denver Colorado nearly 50 years ago. He has cherished & cared for them over the years. He brought them to England with him 20 years ago. Of course they have tantalising laces so I love it when he puts them on.
Rolf x
A relationship should be 50/50. She buys the expensive shampoo, he washes his balls with it!
People who can’t be late and people who are always late and aren’t arsed. My leader is due at the hairdressers in 20 mins and is currently fannying about without a care in the world. I’m seething and would of been sat outside since 7.30.
Now The Wirral has been annexed by The Liverpool City region are the tunnels free?
Why did people get complacent when they were told clearly to get back to work but stay at home, don’t meet your family but go to pubs full of strangers, follow the rules unless you are Cummings or my father?
There are mulitple Met Office warnings for fuckin’ rain this weekend including two AMBER warnings over Jammy Toast HQ.
Little GT wouldn’t eat this morning but kept nuzzling up to my leg & walking over to the closed office door. Then he’d come back & do it again. I opened the door & there was Cobweb who’d been accidently “locked” in there. They rubbed noses & then ate platefuls! It’s made my day!
Have to ask the question, how is it OK for 3,000 people to be allowed into the indoor Royal Albert Hall (56% capacity) but not let even 1,000 spectators at outdoor stadium Prenton Park (7% capacity)? Someone please explain the logic.
#TRFC
Rest assured that, however reckless or dangerous it may be, I will allow everyone to break the rules, as long as it makes me look like the man who saved Christmas.
If this weekend were a band it would be Wet Wet Wet!!
FAWLTY TOWERS:
Miss Ursula Gatsby: “Oh, you’re very cheerful this morning, Mr. Fawlty.”
Basil Fawlty: “Yes, well, one of the guests has just died.”
Lookin on starting just eat but for bits, grafter leaves it in a designated area, an assigned driver collects and delivers to ye door for a small fee. Need proof of ye webs an purple bin to register!
Could any m*n explain to me why the lad I was seeing when I was 17 took it upon himself to dm me a middle finger emoji and nothing else in the middle of the night? Mate it’s been 18 years!
Money doesn’t talk, it swears.
I did well with no ale but when the bloke nearly knocks ya off ya bike putting the sign out to say the pubs open it’s rude not to!
Isnt it mad there are people who buy and eat rich tea biscuits?
I’d tell you a Covid joke but there’s a 99.696% chance you won’t get it.
When you’re out of the blue and into the black.
Caffy what have you done with Patrick?
I’m crocheting a blanket so I have something to keep me warm while I crochet.
I wish I was a Slow Loris so I could hug you with my venomous armpits.
He’s in my basement.
Everton winning. Jesus be a double gate fold concept album out Monday!
Jason Pickford couldn’t catch covid in Wuhan necking bat soup and letting locals spit in his mouth!
England’s number 1.
When ya mate is running late and I’m just sat at a table looking like I’ve been stood up or something.
It’s fuckin criminal wha they’ve done to crisps yeno, just opened a packet an there was literally 5 based in the bottom. I could of fit the full packet in a clippy.