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67 Comments on “Talking Shit #239”
Happy Friday Toasters!
New weekend, same old me.
About as appetising as an Iceland beef lasagne.
Lush laughed at me for falling off my perch… so I came out and pooped on her tote bag. She’s not laughing now!
I think the brain is the weirdest thing in the body, and it’s probably the ugliest thing as well.
No one say anything!!
Have Ya Ever Had One Of Them “What The F*ck Was That??” Moments.. I Just Seen A Man Outside Ours && He DropPed Half A Fag On The Floor && A Pigeon Flew Down && Ran Off With The Fag. Think The Man Was Drunk Cos He Then Chased After The Bird Wantin His Fag Back!!
The kids dad told the baby it would snow today the massive dickhead. She’s been asking when it’s coming every 5 mins all bloody day. Feel like dropping her off at his work so she can ask him every 5 mins instead.
Shall I open the bar 8 days into dry Jan?
I’m never going to get over how they ruined True Detective after season 1. Never!!
Does anyone know if it’s snowing?
We tried. We really tried. NHS staff pleaded with people that Christmas is not worth it. Now 1 in 30 people in London have COVID and ICUs are overwhelmed. My heart is broken!
Life is just saying yer grand until yer dead.
I will stay sober this weekend, I WILLLL stay sober this weekend!!
I don’t care if this is an old lady opinion but white musk is one of the best smells.
I agree!!!
Ahhhh, only twelve days left until the crazy person leaves the White House!! Yay!
Paddy won’t take a Bag For Life the shops Cos he reckons he’s not walking round like Purple Aki!!
We’ve taken a lot of criticism for our Flap for Carers display but we will NEVER stop.
Some lads just messaged me telling me to tell him his cats cute. Why would I lie an say a cats cute?
There seem to be people thinking that this doesn’t affect them. Well, let me you tell you, even if you’re in your 20s and run half marathons you are just one car crash away from needing an ICU bed, that we might not have. This affects everyone.
Hands • Face • Space
Why can’t I be normal. Was pouring warm water on my car windscreen when this man walking his dog told me off as the water will turn to ice on the floor & people might slip. So after a bit of a to and fro about it, all I could think to say was “yeah well, your dog is shit”.
His dog was cute tho, I don’t know why I lied!
Your lips are dry, your phone is dry, your hair is dry. Don’t make January the same. Amen x
Is this the weekend? It smells like the weekend.
On my child’s life he’s now watching Paw patrol. We don’t deserve dogs we really don’t… sorry for the spamming but look at him x
Grim when you get proper into a series for weeks and then finish it all an ye just sat there like now what?
When you ain’t got nothing, you got nothing to lose.
To all of those who have asked, I will not be going to flight night at the Speke Airport on January 20th.
Would you like a bacon butty?
Feeling the cold in my joints.
Word on the street is “No Parking”.
Fucking wot the fuck its freezing its bloody eyak!!!
Hold on to the ones you love. Xx
ANNOUNCEMENT: The flock have decided to CANCEL all aerial displays this weekend to avoid attracting large crowds.
Shat on Donald Trump’s Twitter account and then it disappeared. Yep.
All things considered i think its gonna be a great year.
Now Donald Trump has been banned from all social media, has someone hidden the nuclear codes from him? Asking for a planet.
#TrumpBanned
BREAKING: Donald trump has been banned from Jurassic Park!
I love visiting Red Fred on his plot. He has trained our human to give him treats whenever he jumps up on the table. I’ve never thought of doing that, I’ll have to try when I go back to the veranda. Is it easy to train humans?
“Hello, Eeyore,” said Christopher Robin. “How are you?”
“It’s snowing still,” said Eeyore gloomily.
“So it is.”
“And freezing.”
“Is it?”
“Yes,” said Eeyore. “However,” he said, brightening up a little, “we haven’t had an earthquake lately.”
Pebbles all look the same age to me. They’re like pigeons.
David Bowie’s birthday today & I’m so honoured to have been invited to be a part of some of the many online tributes being made (more details tomorrow). Today I’ll be doing a lot of online Zoom interviews for later transmission. I suspect they could be long!
Trumps Twitter is gone.
Just
Good.
A very fuckin’ cold, fuckin’ frosty and fuckin’ icy start this fuckin’ morning.
Good morning and happy Caterday everyone.
The definition of “key worker” seems to have expanded somewhat in this lockdown.
It’s now safe to turn off your computer.
You know Christmas is truly over when your fingers riffle through a box of After Eights and all the little envelopes are empty.
I need live music!!
Morning Pawtrols undertaken, slightly warmer today… tea boy time afore purloining another breakfast.
Don’t even think of banning one, Twitter.
Shame they have blocked Donald Trump, he seemed like a nice man.
Rolf report 9 Jan
I’ve been hanging out with my campus mom, Dr Claudia at her home, helping her to get ready for the start of term. I’ve been securing her academic papers on the desk, keeping her laptop warm & announcing my presence in meetings. I’m a virtual campus cat!
Rolf x
Quiet here today so I’m having a little tootle around the staff room. I founda round tin with Heroes written on it! I’m just trying to shove them off the seat so I can curl up next to the heater. Happy Caturday friends, stay safe and take care.
Saturday in Birkenhead has NOT started well.
RIP Uncle Chris… when you flew it was like a blaze of sunshine filled all our lives
Thanks to my friend Dave for letting me use his TOAST account. The Dems and radical left at Twitter think they can SILENCE me, but they CAN’T!
I am being unfairly accused of inciting SEDITION! This is FAKE NEWS! All I did was lie continually to a bunch of ignorant morons to convince them they had been CHEATED, then tell them to invade the CAPITOL!
If that’s sedition, lock me up NOW!
Sorry – gotta go – someone is banging on the door shouting “FBI! You’re under arrest!”
I had a reading done a couple of months ago and the girl told me a male was going to come into my life in January and change it for the better she said his name began with a B and hand in heart I know she meant my dog coz he’s male and his names Biggie x
This is so boring being dead!
Twitter are trying to ban me for starting a COO!!
#FAKECOOS
If you ever find me dead, just know it was me cat!
I was standing in irenes kitchen severely intoxicated at like 3am and he jumped at the window to be let in and you best believe I almost physically shit myself!
The only way you’ll get Americans off their lazy asses to participate in a revolution is to turn off all the social media accounts. That’ll really piss them off.
Ya know it’s cold when ye have to open the fridge ta get some heat about ya.
Yeno what it’s bad enough when men beep or shout stuff at you but when you’re with your kids it makes my fucking blood boil. Disrespectful little noncey cunts!
How do people have babies¬ share pictures of them for days/weeks, the second it came out I’d have pictures everywhere?
Unless it was proper ugly like, then maybe I wouldn’t
Please remember that I still have the NUCLEAR CODES! I can’t decide whether to target Iran or the TWITTER HQ in San Francisco.
donald trump is banned from our estate!!
hes banned from me mas as well.