The Andreaa Angel Show #101

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Hiya everyone just startin’ me second hundred posts off lol .. bloody hell work has been a nitemare just cant get the stuff on the shelves quick enough for people to buy it .. Davidd told me the tesco near him shut their doors to restock the shelves because their staff was gettin’ mugged for stock out the cages before it even got to the shelves .. The tesco near us is open early for nhs workers && oaps to go && get stuff first before everyone else .. Only problem was no one was takin’ any notice && everyone was just walkin in the shop && getting stuff as soon as they opened .. So these hells angel bikers near us thought fuck that && they now sitt outside the shop && wont let no one in unless they are allowed in .. sposed to be big hardmen && they are doin’ a boss job looking after the wrinklies .. Some of them woz even takin’ their shoppin’ home on the back of bikes if it was too heavy for them to carry.

Hells angels are meant to be big fat trouble makers but they are doing this && they are already planning the easter egg run wherre they take easter eggs to kids who are in hospital .. They are making plans how to do it so they keep the isolation thingy goin’. They are fuckin’ brilliant so am sendin’ out a big pat on the back to them lot.

Am gutted me holiday in May has been cancelled which i was expectin’ anyway like .. We were all going to turkey again but they have just started havin’ deaths because of the virus so ya obvs can’t go there anymore .. Ya can rebook it for end of june but i dont reckon it will be sorted by then so it will only get cancelled again .. Jay was meant to be working down in london for two weeks so i told him to jack it in, i dont fancy him gettin’ the virus down there .. He will only get sick pay but with us havin’ the holiday refund we can live off that for a bit && then rebook the holiday for September when it is more likely to be sorted but he wouldn’t do it .. so he is now working in london where half of the people are dying ffs.

Our julia rang up && apologised for kathleen taking all me make up stuff the other week .. so me mum was like yea ok, kids do stuff lets just all forget about it && see if we can all get on for a change .. When she told me i thought that for the sake of me mum i will say nothing about it anymore && just get over it .. Then the next day our Julia rang me mum to ask can we look after her other kids who are off school because of the virus because she doesn’t trust kathleen to look after them on her own .. I was like fuck off .. First, it was so obvious that she had apologised the day before just to get us to look after the kids && second ya not sposed to just dump the kids on grandparents cos they are the ones most at risk .. Me mum has got all sorts wrong with her but that is just typical julia, just think of herself && fuck everyone else..

wot goes around comes around though..

All the roads are dead quiet which is great for gettin’ to work && that && Julia is taking her kids to a mates house to look after them with her kids becos we said no .. She’s bombing it down the dual carriageway && some knobhead in an uninsured car with no road tax && the driver has no licence smashes into Julia’s car with the kids in it .. All the airbags go off && Lexi ends up with concussion .. The ambulance comes && takes them to hospital which obviously is the last place ya want to be with all this coronavirus kicking off .. The guy in the other car didn’t even stop but the police got him later because someone took his licence plate number .. The guy totally denied it was him said someone must of got the number wrong .. then the cops look in his garage and there’s his car with all the damage on it && even got blue paint on it which is the colour of our Julia’s car .. As if the world isn’t in enough shit without knobs like him on the roads..

While were talking about cars remember that little bump i had six months ago when someone who lives in our road ran into the back of me but said i rolled back && hit her .. The insurance have decided it was her fault && so its all coming off her insurance && means i keep me no claims bonus .. About time i got a bit of good news like .. Our Ethan, who is an animal when he wants to be, told the guy who was really driving the car when it hit me (but he got his girlfriend to say it was her driving cos he wasn’t insured) told him when it was all sorted he was going to call round && have a “word” .. I told Ethan to drop it but he went round anyway .. The chickenshit had moved out two days before which is when we got the notification off the insurance .. Sometimes having nutters in ya family is a good thing!!

I think i told yous all that the main reason i left the Kwik-e-mart was because of all the hours they had me working .. Now at this job i don’t have to be in work until 9am && am home in time to watch me soaps with me mum .. Hahaha as if I can be that lucky, ive now got three off self isolating && another one tells me shes pregnant .. It never fuckin’ ends does it??

Finish with a funny story that Davidd told me .. One of his mates lives near us && she was working last Friday but was off on the saturday .. When she got in from work on friday night she lashed her jeans off && just threw them on her bedroom floor .. They just sat there until on saturday afternoon one of her mates told her to get her arse down to our shop because we had a delivery of millions of toilet rolls which she was short of .. She was just lazing around the house in a trackie so she ran upstairs && put the jeans on from her bedroom floor && legs it round to our shop .. She gets the toilet rolls && some bits && pieces && is standing at the checkout waiting to pay when she sees this fit guy .. She’s looking at him thinking, oooo he’s nice..

She pays for the shopping && heads out to the carpark when she hears, “excuse me, love!!” Its only the lad she was eyeing up in the shop && he comes over to her .. She starts acting all coy && fluttering her eyelids when he says, “Are these yours??” && hands her a pair of her knickers .. When she took her jeans off on Friday they must have got stuck in the leg && they were still there when she lashed her jeans on to go the shop..

Talk about dying a death .. Just sounds like suttin’ i would do..

Tra xx

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About the Author

Andreaa Angel

I am Andreaa Angel && I am havin' a boss time here writing on da Blog && that 'coz Davidd is proper gettin' too old to write && it's doin' me wig in .. I feel proper ashamed da fukin' state .. Davidd told me to write yas little stories about me life but I said no .. I can't write stories, I never even passed me GCSE English .. But he bullies me yerno, so me stories are usually shite ..

76 Comments on “The Andreaa Angel Show #101”

  1. My 2 year old just said “dad walt disney created the corona virus so everyone subscribed to Disney plus, he’s so mean” next doors social distancing party cheered an threw hot dogs over the fence. Absolute scenes.

  2. To be able to hear people not only on our street but from streets away clapping and cheering our NHS and key workers during this tough time is so heart warming :heart:

  3. In other news, my kids just pulled an earthworm out of the dirt and named their new “pet” Wormie Wormerson. So what are we on the 270th day of this quarantine or what?

  4. Just been out of lockdown for my daily exercise and saw a big group of Asian lads playing football in the park.

    I shouted at them “GO HOME!”

    It was like being back in the 80’s.

  5. I remember there was a cafe in Cornwall called Blancmange and my dad said isn’t blank mange a funny name for a cafe and I think about that all the time.

  6. I hope everyone will join me tomorrow morning at 8am in applauding the bin men into the street. They’re doing the lord’s work shifting Cheryl’s wheelie after she’s spent a bloody week at home.

  7. All of this is making my Ruddy sad. He didn’t even want his tea tonight. He doesn’t deserve to be sad he’s the most selfless human alive. If someone can arrange for it to go back to normal for him that would be gorgeous. It’s his birthday next week. Can’t even take him the steak gaff he’s been showing me pics of since Christmas. So sad for him! x

  8. You know what I noticed the last week with this lockdown. The birds are fucking loving it. Got the whole gaff to themselves virtually. Swanning round like they’re in charge. Especially the seagulls. Little cunts.

    If you’ve ever been fronted by a scouse seagull you’ll know what I mean!

  9. When Red Fred first came to live with us he was really shy. He wouldn’t go close to the humans, he watched them from on top of a shed roof and wouldn’t come down till they’d gone. Now, I think he is happy living with us.

  10. Rabbit came out of his house and sniffed the warm spring morning. He curled his whiskers in the sun and trotted off to the left, which was the way to Christopher Robin’s house. “After all,” said Rabbit to himself, “Christopher Robin depends on me.”

  11. Rolf report 27 March

    My humans have put a stair stepper in the lounge so they get some exercise. I’ve realised it’s a stepping stone to get me to the high mantlepiece over the fireplace. My humans put ornaments & candleholders up there out of my way. They’re removing them now.

    Rolf x

  12. TK Maxx online is no more. A real shame as I killed a couple of hours a day laughing at the original RRP they put on stuff. Wonder if they could release a few months of old ones?

  13. Unbelievable sacrifices all health workers and so many others are making . They deserved every second of the applause we gave them last night . Let’s remember to applaud and reward them after the pandemic is finally over.

  14. Tonight I would normally be sitting down with my mum to watch Gogglebox and I’m sure it won’t be long until we can do that again but for now it’s just me and wine and FaceTime. Love and hugs to everyone!

  15. My wedding shoes just arrived and I don’t even feel my usual excitement. I hate it here. I do like the deliveries being contactless though, because I don’t have to panic about my tits flying about.

  16. I don’t think losing a grandparent ever gets easier, it’s been 14yrs today since my grandad was taken from us and it doesn’t get easier, I wish he could of watched us grow up more than anything :broken-heart:

  17. Geography, History and English language for Tinks school work this morning. I’m suitably attired in a Harris tweed jacket with elbow patches , cords and Clarks nature . I’ve weaved in Kirk Douglas , The Silk Rd and Orwell . Think I’m going to retrain when the shitstorm blows over.

    Retired to the staff room.

  18. I’m doing hymn practice on my own today as the little people who are here don’t have assembly at the moment. Have a lovely day friends, stay safe and take care. :paws:

  19. As bad and horrible as this chinese virus is that “perfectly fit an healthy 21 year old with no health conditions” actually had asthma the scaremongering from the news an media is a fucking joke, they need killing when this is all over, everyone of them!

  20. Shopping has confirmed that the great British public remains convinced we’re all going to shit ourselves to death and only dry pasta can save us.

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