Sometimes me mum doesn’t get out of bed for weeks because of pains or because shes depressed .. she just locks herself away in her room && never ventures out .. Davidd calls her my cave dwelling mother .. it means my life can be hell sometimes .. its not her fault && i know she doesnt do it on purpose but i can be at work all day then come home && have to hoover, wash, clean && cook for the two of us .. Sometimes i do eleven hour shifts && come home wiped out then have to start on the house .. like i said its not me mums fault that she isn’t well but she doesnt really help much either by what she does .. the doctor has got her on quite powerful antidepressants which it takes ages to get the dose right so that she feels ok but isnt bringing on other side effects .. the problem is it becomes a vicious circle .. it works like this:
1. She gets depressed.
2. Doctor puts her on antidepressants.
3. She slowly starts to feel better.
4. When she feels better she thinks she doesn’t need the antidepressants anymore.
5. She stops taking her antidepressants
6. Go back to #1
It doesn’t matter how many times you tell her that she needs to keep taking the tablets, as soon as she feels a bit better she stops taking them!!
So recently she started feeling better with everything .. Her depression was under control && so was her fibromyalgia && her thyroidism .. I would come home from work && everything had been done .. The hoovering, washing, cleaning had been done && my tea was on the table when i walked in .. A few times her mate Paul had been round && they had been out && walked Luna together .. She was even washing her bedding a bit too often so I was guessing she was even having rumpy pumpy in the afternoon while i was at work .. Paul more or less moved in a few years ago when she was feeling better && he even used to come on holiday with us .. then when she started getting ill she would take stuff out on him && he bolted for home.
i was made up that she was well enough to be doing everything && seeing paul && it didn’t even bother me too much when he was round late at night && they had music or the telly blasting while i was trying to get to sleep — even if i had an early start the next day .. it was great she was feeling better .. then the pains started coming back .. she had no energy && her muscles were aching quite badly .. then she was depressed && locking herself away in her bedroom again .. My mum was back to being a cave dweller again.
I couldnt understand how she had gone from being up && pain-free for a couple of weeks just to be back down in pain && misery again for no reason .. The other night i got in from work && nothing had been done && so i started cleaning up && getting tea on the go .. I made us a chicken curry && rice && took hers up to her .. She just looked at me like i was an alien who had just landed from another planet .. She asked me what it was && i told her && she just nodded .. No thank you or kiss my arse so i put it on her bedside table && went down to eat mine.
While i was eating my tea I had a little thought — shes stopped taking her anti-depressants again .. I bet that is what is at the bottom of these severe mood swings .. After i had eaten my tea i went upstairs to get her plate && i asked her was she still taking her tablets .. i was expecting a gob-full for just asking but i didnt get it .. Instead she said, “I have stopped taking all of my tablets, i thought i didn’t need them anymore.”
I just felt like giving up!!