The Andreaa Angel Show #61

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Category: The Andreaa Angel Show42 Comments

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Jamie Scarlet pictured with our Andreaa Angel.

This is my last Andreaa Angel Show for a few weeks because as you probably remember I am goin’ on holiday to Turkey.. I fly out on Sunday with my mate Zoe for two weeks of fun && shinanigans – but not too many shinanigans! I am sort of stuck in the middle of somethin’ that I need to tell yas all about.. Last week, I forgot to tell ya me new boyfriend’s name so ya all started callin’ him “The Pope”.. Well his name is Jamie && I’ve really started likin’ him.. I know I said last week that I fall for people too easy && that I am goin’ to take it easy with Jamie but I can’t help it – I really like him.. I’ve told Zoe that when we go to Turkey am not goin’ for a shagfest this time am bein’ a good girl.. Let’s just say she ain’t too happy about it.. Even Davidd says he can’t believe it && he’s known me longer than anyone.. I have always been a “treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen” kinda girl..

So last weekend, I brought Jamie home meet me Mum && our Alisha (btw, his real name is Jamie but everyone calls him Jay && sometimes I get mixed up, so just in case ya thinkin’ have got two lads on the go).. So like I told yas, he’s dead religious so I told me mum she had to be on her best behaviour.. She was showin’ him a photo of the family with me sisters on it && she said to him that sometimes she thinks I am the only one she gave birth to because the others are nothin’ like her && take after me dad.. So Jamie says to her, “I never knew ya gave birth to Andreaa, I thought you got her from Carla Lane’s!” In case yas don’t know, Carla Lane runs an animal rescue place in Liverpool.. He’s callin’ me a dog to me own mother the cheeky kunt!

Me mum loved him because he was so cheeky && our Alisha says have got to marry him ‘cos she wants a new uncle, all her other uncles are twats! && apparently have got to have a baby too because she wants a cousin.. Yea, whatever ‘lish..

So he took me to meet his Nan again who is the only close family he has got.. He was brough up in care && so he never sees his mum.. He sees his dad sometimes but they are not close, so like his nan is his only real, close family.. I love his nan she is dead cute but she has Altzemers (Davidd make sure that is spelt right, ya know am thick).. She is worse than Granny, she never remembers anyone’s name && stuff.. As soon as I walked in though she’s like, “Oh hello Andrea.. It’s lovely to see you again..” Awwwww I was nearly cryin’!

So I was talkin’ to Davidd the other night, bringin’ him up to date with all me goss, when he suddenly stopped me.. He said that we have a bit of a dilemma goin’ on.. I didn’t get him, I was like what do ya mean?? So he asked me what are you goin’ to do in Turkey when you want to behave like a slutty butty up the mountain && you’ve got the Pope waitin’ for you at home.. Davidd knows his name but still calls him either the Pope or Captain Scarlet!

So I was like Owwerr! I never really thought of that until then..

So after I got off the phone to Davidd, I rang Zoe up && told her that I am goin’ to be a good girl in Turkey because I don’t want to do the dirty on Jamie.. She was fumin’ && sayin’ that what’s the point of goin’ if we don’t have any fun out there?? So I was sayin’ that ya don’t need to shag half of Turkey to have fun.. We can still get pissed && have a laugh with everyone without behavin’ like a slut out there.. So she was tellin’ me that I have changed my tune since I met Jamie && that he is now goin’ to ruin out holiday && that he is just a devil dick!

So am stuck in the middle.. I don’t want to fall out with Zoe over a lad but I don’t want to be doin’ stuff behind his back in Turkey either..

Why is my life never simple??

Traa xx

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About the Author

Andreaa Angel

I am Andreaa Angel && I am havin' a boss time here writing on da Blog && that 'coz Davidd is proper gettin' too old to write && it's doin' me wig in.. I feel proper ashamed da fukin' state.. Davidd told me to write yas little stories about me life but I said no. I can't write stories, I never even passed me GCSE English. But he bullies me yerno, so me stories are usually shite!!


42 Comments on “The Andreaa Angel Show #61”

  1. One last thing before you disappear on holiday…

    What the fuck is it with those people who walk down the street having a conversation on their phone while holding it two feet in front of their face?

    Good fucking night.

  2. I’ve seen a lot of people talking about who’s made the England squad and who should’ve been included, but nobody is asking the one big question. What the shitting hell is the bloody Nations League?

  3. it’s all well & good trying to drink 2 litres of water every day until you’re going for a slash every 15 fucking minutes and for some reason you feel thirstier than ever. wtf hun? x

  4. I am sitting in a virtually empty movie theater and a couple just chose to sit right next to me. I’m about to be murdered or propositioned for a threesome. Stay tuned…

  5. I think my mum told me I was born around 6am which means I only have around 21 hours to go before my age starts with a 7. The maternity hospital was knocked down years later for being unhygienic. If they had served my soup they might have stayed open… well the windows at least.

  6. The Forest was full of gentle sounds, which all seemed to be saying to Pooh, “Don’t listen to Rabbit, listen to me.” So he got into a comfortable position for not listening, from time to time opening his eyes to say “Ah!” and then closing them again.

  7. I see the rain has arrived. Hardly surprising really seeing as Madonna has announced Eurovision. The gays must have been horny last night.

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