The Andreaa Angel Show #83

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Another week && another disaster in the life of Andreaa.. First of all me && Jay were going out on halloween so it was bound to be a late one so the night before i wanted an early nite && so did jay.. Me mum was going out to our Charlie’s the night before && she always gets pissed when she goes there so I told her to keep it down when she come in cos me && Jay wanted a couple of early nights before halloween.. I don’t know if ya saw it on the news but some bloke got shot driving his car through kirkby && crashed his car into some kids.. Wasn’t his fault like but the kids got hit && were screaming all over the gaff.. That happened just over the road from our Vicki’s house && her kids saw wot happened && were dead upset.. So to get them out the way they come && stayed at ours to try && take their minds off wot happened.. So that’s Jay showing off && creating havoc with the kids like he always does.. One early night cancelled!!

Next night is the night me mum’s going to our Charlie’s.. So I get in just after Jay && we had something to eat && then went for an early night.. At last we can have one early night && as long as me mum keeps it down when she comes in all will be good.. I am fast asleep && me phone starts going off.. It hardly woke me up i just reached over in me sleep && silenced it.. Fuck off whoever it is.. Straight away me phone goes off again && I thought it must be something important if they are ringing && ringing.. I answer it && its me mum’s phone alarm.. I think i have told yas that me mum isn’t well && she has an alarm on her phone that goes off if she collapses.. So i wake Jay up && say me mum has collapsed && she’s at our Charlies.. Jay says she’s not he had heard her come up the stairs a while ago so i leg it through into me mums bedroom && she has fallen over && smashed her nose on the radiator && there is blood everywhere.. Me mum says she has broke her nose && it hurts when she breathes.. I had to ring for an ambulance && go the hossy with her.. I told Jay to stay at home && get some kip && I would ring him when i needed to come back home.. Another early night cancelled && turns out me mum had fallen over cos she was pissed!!

I was fummin’

Next night && we have got tickets for farmageddon.. It’s great farmageddon if ya have never been they set ya loose && then beasts, ghosts, serial killers && zombies come out && get ya.. This year they had the beast of terror, contagion, the meat locker && the zombie outlaw.. The whole of farmaggedon sold out this year, that’s how popular it is.. All the ghosts && zombies && everything are real actors who play the monsters its not like on a ghost train.. As we are walking around they jump out at ya && the zombies bite ya or the meat locker monsters cut ya up with butchers knives but Jay is pushing me in everywhere first.. Every time he sees a ghost or zombie he screams like a little girl && pushes me at them to protect him.. So much for the big brave man protecting his princess.. It was fantastic but slightly ruined cos i was so tired && needed me bed..

So on Saturday i worked like a dog to get the delivery in work finished so I could go home early && have a nap before our halloween night party.. Bit late I know but it was the first saturday after halloween so we were having a halloween party for the kids && the adults.. I finished an hour early && started heading for home.. On Friday night there was a big car crash on the M57.. Somebody either jumped or fell off a bridge over the motorway && about twenty cars ploughed into him.. So the police shut the motorway off in both directions && kept the cars on the motorway while they did their investigation things..

I shouldn’t laugh at this because its not funny when someone dies but the police released a statement saying that the person had died as a result of the incident.. Well obviously they have, ya don’t get hit by twenty cars && get up && walk home do ya??

There was also another crash on the east lancs road so that’s my journey home fucked.. The queue on the east lancs was ridiculous so i didn’t even know how to get home.. I rang Davidd up && asked him how to get to Kirkby if the motorway && the east lancs are fucked && smart arse told me to walk.. But he did tell me to put me satnav on && ignore it if it sent me to the motorway && it did actually end up finding me another way home via the landfill tip.. I guess Davidd does have his uses somethimes..

So that’s been the highlights of my week.. Another brilliant week in the life of Andreaa..

Traa xx

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About the Author

Andreaa Angel

I am Andreaa Angel && I am havin' a boss time here writing on da Blog && that 'coz Davidd is proper gettin' too old to write && it's doin' me wig in .. I feel proper ashamed da fukin' state .. Davidd told me to write yas little stories about me life but I said no .. I can't write stories, I never even passed me GCSE English .. But he bullies me yerno, so me stories are usually shite ..

44 Comments on “The Andreaa Angel Show #83”

  1. Donald Trump has 66.6M followers so I’m assuming the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are on their way. If I don’t automatically change into a ninja like in the movies, I’m going to be pissed.

  2. “My fondness for darkness began when I stopped being frightened of it. Would I go up to the attic to fetch something? I had no torch, no candle. But I went, feeling enormously brave; and I returned, to the praise of my family, feeling proud of myself.”


  3. Rolf report Nov 8

    I was so happy to be liberated after five days of house arrest. The reunion with Claudia in the Economics Department was glorious. My family is happy too that they can let me be the cat I want to be now that firework season is over.

    Rolf x

  4. Biblical overnight rain in the Ancient Seat of Swan, adjacent to the Western kingdoms of Derby and the Ash that has Knotted.

    What the fuck am I on about. Have I had a fucking stroke in the night. Dear God.

  5. Top operatives are off to clean the gutters out at a church , in a swap deal for pews , which are then becoming an artisan bar counter .

    I’ve become Lovejoy of the Oblong.

  6. Net-a-Porter email me about 8 times every morning and I DO NOT want to hear it until they announce the sale. Announce the sale I am poor and in need of Balenciaga.

  7. Awkward moment when your husband is lecturing you on not spending any more money, the door knocks, he answers and it’s the postman delivering the Mulberry handbag you bought on eBay last week.

  8. boris johnson is literally the epitome of uncle knobhead who gets pissed at xmas dinner and spouts shite until your ma clouts him across the head and tells him to fucking shut it

  9. Having finally jibbed the ciggies Xmas Day 2017, I’m going to jettison vaping this Xmas Day. I’m only warning you because the hideous bad language, and eye meltingly unreasonable ranting, will be spectacular for at least a month.

  10. I was at a busy Prêt just now waiting for my cappuccino and when it arrived I wanted one of those cardboard holders so it didn’t burn my hands but I couldn’t think what it was called, so I said; “May I have a scorch-girdle, please?” and the lady immediately understood what I meant.

  11. Well hello world, just surfaced to let you know that we now have a daughter! Born on Monday morning just as BBC Breakfast was wrapping up. We’re all fine and dandy. Just getting used to the eau de sick/poo I am now regularly wearing.

  12. It’s great to be back on campus where I can patrol my many miles of domain & keep students & staff safe from danger. I’m now fast asleep in my furry cat bed on Claudia’s desk. She thinks I don’t know she’s locked the door. My human will collect me & drive me home at 5pm.

    Rolf x

  13. My 5-year-old just said she doesn’t like playing alone because she doesn’t have anyone to blame her “bad choices on” and, dear God, she’s gonna be a teenager someday. HELP!

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