The Angry Andreaa Show #24

Posted by Andreaa Angel on
Category: The Andreaa Angel Show28 Comments

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So I Have Been Drivin’ for Just Over Two Years Now && Even Davidd Says I Am A Really Confident Driver Like.. Sometimes A Bit Too Confident Coz I Do Drive A Bit Fast.. If Yaas Don’t Know,, Davidd Is A Driving Instructor So He Should Know Wot Hes Talkin’ About.. Even If He Does Drive Like Miss Daisy’s In Da Back!! So Last Saturdday Night I Was Working A Late So Da Shop Doesn’t Close Until 11pm.. By Da Time We Have Cashed Up,, Tidied Up && Daa It Is Nearly Midnight.. Mary Works In Da Shop && She Was A Little Angel Stayin’ Late && Helpin’ Me Finish Up. She Doesnt Drive So As A Thanks For Stayin Late I Offered Her A Lift Home..

We Get To Da Car Just After Midnight && Start Drivin’ Home.. So Am Bombin’ It Down The East Lancs && Ders A Lorry Goin’ Slow Up Ahead Wif A Blue BMW Sitting Behind It Goin’ Slow Too.. I Pull Out Into The Middle Lane To Overtake Them Both && Just As A Get Close Da Knobhead In Da BMW Pulls Out Right In Front Of Me Wifout Even Signalling.. So I Pulled Out Into The Third Lane && Overtake The BMW && The Lorry.. Coz Its Late The Road Is Quiet && So I Pull Back In Front Of The BMW && Then Back Into Da Left Lane.. The BMW Pulls Into The Left Lane Behind Me Too.. I Carried On Along The Lancs && When We Get Da Turn Off For Kirkby I Pull Into A Bus Stop Where I Normally Drop Mary Off.. Next Thing The BMW Pulls In Behind Me && Puts All His Blue Lights On..

It’s Only An Unmarked Police Car!!

So Da Copper Comes Over To Me Car && Says,, “Your A Bit Far From Home Aren’t Ya??” So I Tell Him Tha I Only Live In Kirkby,, Its Not Daa Far Like.. He Asks Me If My Name Is Hannah && I Say No Me Names Andreaa.. That’s When He Started Looking A Bit Confused && Asked Is Ya Mums Name Hannah??

He Was Starting To Piss Me Off Now So I Said Me Name Is Andreaa,, This Is My Car && There Is Only Me Insured To Drive It.. Its Nothin’ To Do Wif Me Mum!!

The Copper Looks At Me Funny Again && Says,, “Well Do Ya Live In Wales??”

So I Said,, “I Just Told Ya I Live In Kirkby.. I Have Just Finished Work && Am Droppin’ Me Mate Off Then Carryin’ On Home..”

So He Says Right Let Me See If I Can Sort This Out && Goes Back To His Car.. Me && Mary Are Shitting Ourselves Now Thinkin’ We’re Goin’ To Get Locked Up Or Somethin’.. So He Was Takin Ages && I Thought Fuck This && Went Back To His Car To Find Out Wot Was Happenin’.. He Says That Me Car Is Comin’ Up As Registered To Someone In Wales Called Hannah.. So I Tell Him Its My Car && Has Been For Two Years && Even Give Him Me Insurance Company && Tell Him To Check It.. Da Policy Is In Me Car If He Wants To See It..

So Da Other Copper In Da Car Is Tappin’ Away On Da Laptop Thingy && He Finally Says,, “Nah Ya Alight Here It Is.. I’ve Found Ya Insurance && Ya Have Got Road Tax && Licence Everythin’ Is Fine!!”

So Da First Copper Gives Me My Licence Back && Says,, “Go ‘Edd We’ll Let Yaa Off With The Speedin’ && Stoppin’ In The Bus Stop..”

So I Thought Ya Cheeky Fuckin’ Cunt && Said To Him,, “I Was Drivin’ Along At 40mph Which Is Da Speed Limit When This Fuckin’ Big Blue BMW Pulls Out Right In Front Of Me Wifout Even A Signal.. So I Had To Pull Out Into The Third Lane && Then Had To Speed Up To Get Past So I Could Pull Back Into The Left Lane In Time For Da Bus Stop To Drop Me Mate Off.. && What Does It Matter If I Stop In A Bus Stop An Hour After Da Last Bus Has Gone.. && If Ya Don’t Believe Wot Am Tellin’ Ya Then Come && Look At Me Dashcam Footage!!”

Da Copper Sat Der Wif His Gob Wide Open As I Walked Away..

Shame Really Cos He Was A Right Fittie!!

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About the Author

Andreaa Angel

I am Andreaa Angel && I am havin' a boss time here writing on da Blog && that 'coz Davidd is proper gettin' too old to write && it's doin' me wig in.. I feel proper ashamed da fukin' state.. Davidd told me to write yas little stories about me life but I said no. I can't write stories, I never even passed me GCSE English. But he bullies me yerno, so me stories are usually shite!!

28 Comments on “The Angry Andreaa Show #24”

  1. Today everyone here at Jammy Toast would like to wish Police Dog Axel from Derbyshire Dog Section a speedy recovery. He was stabbed last night in the line of duty. Axel is recovering well and we send our best wishes to him and his handler Dean.

    Thank you both for all that you do!!

  2. 5yo: Ireland is such a small country because I couldn’t even fit the whole person I drew into it…

    It being the picture of Ireland that she also drew…

    On my leg.

    And yeah if I have to hear it you have to read it. That’s how this works!

  3. Andreaa tends to knock the wind out of people’s sails before they get a chance to have a pop at her. She is about 4ft 8in and must weigh slightly less than last Monday’s Liverpool Echo when she’s soaking wet. So when she goes straight for the jugular it does take people by surprise.

    I bet half-an-hour after this incident — just about the time she was waking me up to tell me about it — those coppers where mulling over why they didn’t have her locked up.

    I know for a fact, if that were me I would still be in custody!!

  4. It wasn’t easy but I maintained my erection while the nurse cleaned my teeth at the dentists. Last time he sends me in to see the Oral Hygienist!

  5. My dad always used to say, “If you’re looking for sympathy? Look in the dictionary between Shit and Syphillis.”

    It cost him his job as a vicar in the end.

  6. Three poachers have been EATEN by lions after the men broke into South African nature reserve to slaughter rhinos for their horns.

    No one here at Jammy Toast is cry for their loss.


  7. Before the internet, I would have had to call a plumber for every little issue, but now I can watch 14 videos about how to fix it…

    THEN I call the plumber.

  8. Eric: How many epic plays have you written today?
    Ern: Twenty-seven.
    Eric: You could be another Bronte sister — you’ve got the legs for it.

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