The Big Six Zero

Posted by Andreaa Kurby on
Category: Memories67 Comments

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Davidd Aged 8, Sporting One Of Granny’s Infamous Haircuts.

Sixty Years Ago Today, In The Early Hours Of The Mornin, Granny Was Lyin In St Catherines Hospital Tryin To Deliver A Bloody Big Baby.. She Had Been Tryin To Deliver It For 48 Hours && Was Gettin Nowhere Fast When The Midwife Said, “Go Ed Girl, Give It One Last Go!!” && Out Popped This Baby At 4:19am.. There Was Only Granny && The Baby There Cos The Babys Dad Was Away At Sea In The Merchant Navy.. The Next Mornin The Babies Grandparents Came Up To See Granny && The Baby.. It Was A Monday Mornin Bt The Babies Granddad, Who Was Called ‘Da’, Didnt Go Back To Work.. He Went To The Shops && Got A Teddy Bear Called Bimbo.. That Night He Took Bimbo Up To The Hospital To Give To The Baby Bt The Nurses Wouldnt Let Him In.. They Said That Night Time Visitin Was For Fathers Only.. Da Said That He Was The Father && They All Give Him A Funny Look Bt Let Him In.. Da Gave The Bimbo The Teddy Bear To The Baby && The Two Of Them Hve Been Together Ever Since.. Obvs The Baby Was Davidd && The Teddy Bear Was Great Uncle Bimbo..

Years Later When Davidd Was A Teenager Granny Told Him The Story Of The Day He Was Born && How Da Got Into Dads Only Visitin && How He Came To Hve Bimbo.. David Went && Confronted His Grandad && Asked Him If The Story Was True?? Da Told Him That It Was True Bt It Was Just A Bit Of A Mix Up.. When The Nurse Told Him That Evenin Was For Fathers Only He Thought She Meant The Father Of The Mother Of The Baby Which Of Course He Was.. Hahahaha All Lies!!

Bimbo's Melted Nose

Bimbo’s Melted Nose.

Davidd Kept Bimbo With Him && Used To Play With Him Out In The Garden.. As You Would Think After Many Years Of Playin In The Garden Bimbo Got Quite Dirty.. Granny Decided He Needed Washin && Put Him In The Washin Machine.. In Them Days It Was Twin Tub Washin Machines, So It Is Not As Cruel As It Sounds && Bimbo Was Just Gently Washed && Didnt Go In The Spin Dryer.. Granny Did Hang Him Up By His Ears To Dry Though && When She Brought Him In That Night He Was Still Soakin Wet.. Granny Put Bimbo In Front Of The Fire To Help Him Dry Out Bt She Put Him Too Close && His Nose Melted..

To This Day If You Look At Bimbos Nose It Is Just A Melted Lump Of Plastic && Does Not Hve The Two Nostrils && Dimples That Are Normal In A Bears Nose!! Needless To Say, Granny Denies All This && Says That Davidd Made The Story Up Bt Just Look At Poor Bimbos Nose (Pictured Right)..

Years Later, Davidd && Bimbo Were All Growed Up && Had Adopted A Chimpton Frm Vietnam.. Between Them They Used To Rescue Teddy Bears Frm All Over The Gaff.. They Had Hundreds Of These Pesky Bears && Had A Website Where They Told The Stories Of How They Rescued All The Bears && All The Crazy Stuff They Got Up To.. They Used To Hve Teddy Bears Picnics In The Park && Stuff Lyk That.. The Website Wasnt Called Jammy Toast In Those Days, It Was Called Meffs.. On Meffs People Could Leave Comments About Their Stories Just Lyk On Jammy Toast Today..

This One Day I Was In School With Me Mate Lorah && We Called This Lad Who Was Annoyin Us A Meff.. We Didnt Even Know What A Meff Was.. We Hd Just Heard One Of The Older Girls Using The Word.. So That Night We Was Searchin The Internet To Find Out What A Meff Was When We Found Davidds Website About The Bears Called Meffs.. It Said On His Website That A Meff Was Someone Who Doesnt Fit In With Other People, Lyk Someone Who Has No Mates Or Wears All The Wrong Labels On Their Clothes.. The Website Was Dead Funny Too, It Used To Take The Piss Out Of Where Davidd && Chimpton Worked && People They Knew && Davidd Used To Go To Fat Club && They Took The Piss Out Of All The Fatties There.. Me && Lorah Loved It && Started Joinin In Takin The Piss..

Then Me && Lorah Started Tellin Everyone In School About The Website && Next Thing Ya Know Half The School Was On There Takin The Piss Out Of Anyone We Could Think Of.. Luckily, The Teachers Never Found Out About It Or We Would Of Been Murdered..

Fifteen Years Later, I Am Still Mates With Davidd && Lorah.. Some Of The Others Frm School Still Pop Up Now && Then && Leave A Comment.. Steph, Simone, Lauren && Jessica Still Come Along && Say Hello Now && Then.. Even Me Mum Asks How Davidd Is && Does He Still Collect Teddy Bears??

So Finally We Come To Today.. Davidds Sixtieth Birthday.. The Big Six Zero!!

Happy Birthday Mate, Hope You Werent Awake At 4:19am This Time..

Traa xx

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Posted By

Andreaa Kurby

I Am Andreaa && I Am Havin A Boss Time Ere Writin On The Blog && Tha.. I Feel Proper Ashamed, The F*ckin State Of It.. Davidd Told Me If Ya Hav A Blog All Ya Have To Do Is Write Little Stories Abowt Ya Life Bt I Said No, I Cant Write Nothin.. I Neva Evn Passed Me GCSE English.. Bt He Bullies Me Yerno, So Me Stories Are Usually Shit..


67 Comments on “The Big Six Zero”

  1. A few of you have asked about the scratch on my nose-I thought it was an alligator but apparently it was a crocodile that attacked me-The same one who bit my leg whilst Mr Punch just kept shouting “that’s the way to do it!” Shockingly the police man just watched.

  2. Don’t forget that the clocks go back this evening & we all get an extra hour in bed. We normally find our tourist travellers turn up an hour early for trains the following day, I guess sadly we won’t see so much of this tomorrow with the current pandemic.

  3. When I grow up and I’m rich I’m going to buy a bigger house so I can have my own bedroom. I hate sharing a bed with a stinky boy yeno. We can just meet up once a week to do rudies x

  4. The Sun was still in bed, but there was a lightness in the sky over the Hundred Acre Wood which seemed to show that it was waking up and would soon be kicking off the clothes. In the half-light the Pine Trees looked cold and lonely.

  5. I thought that if I just ignored my human she would stop filming. I was wrong. Yesterday she made one of the most boring Nothing Happens films she’s ever made. Apart from Barbara making a brief appearance near the end, Nothing Happens.

  6. Some lovely humans were the last visitors I had this summer. Lizzie loved stroking me, and I loved it too of course. It’s her birthday today, let’s give her lots of Happy Birthday wishes. Happy Birthday Lizzie!

  7. Rolf report 25 Oct

    I love to take my American human on garden patrol. I visit one of the chimney pot planters full of cat mint. Then I climb my favourite tree. The tree was recently trimmed, leaving some stubs of branches that are perfect for chin scratching & nuzzling.

    Rolf x

  8. Word back from André that our pristine condition Sega Master System with 10 games only bagged us £5 yesterday. We were banking on at least £50 for flock funds. Need a plan B.

  9. Good meowning everyone, may I be the the first to wish you a very happy Roast Dinner Day – I hope it’s a good one for you. Love George x

  10. During half term inspired by Marcus Rashford MBE we will be giving away one free kids meal to every child accompanied by an adult who has at least 6 pints.

  11. I have decided the only way to ween me off of Hopb Nobs is to eat bourbons, which were always my favourite. Sadly Peak Freans, which were my preferred make, seem to be no more.

  12. Pay test & trace consultants £7k per day for a system that’s crooked and doesn’t work but let kids go hungry. Ladies & gentleman, YOUR GOVERNMENT!

  13. I watched that murderer next door thing last night, and how fucking depressing. So horrible knowing that ACTUALLY happened, crime documentaries make you fucking sad. You all wonder why you’re depressed, watching them for fun? Being upset as one of your hobbies?

  14. Brain:
    Don’t say it
    Don’t say it
    Don’t say it
    Don’t say it
    Don’t say it
    Don’t say it

    Me:
    “It’s starting to get dark already…”

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