The Chimpton Needs Some Funky Cold Medina

Posted by Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc on
Category: Music31 Comments

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The Chimpton and I have been searching high and low recently to try and find an eligible Prince, so we can get her married off. Unfortunately we are having no luck. To be fair, this is not because The Chimpton is an ugg, but more because all she ever sees in a potential suitor are his flaws. Someone pops his head up and all she sees is the mole on his nose, or he has small ears, or a balding head. She never looks at the positive side where someone is making her laugh and she enjoys their company – no she just sees the negative. So I have decided to turn to my old friend Tone Loc and see if we can borrow some of his Funky Cold Medina. Over to you, Loc…

Cold coolin’ at a bar, and I’m lookin for some action
But like Mike Jagger said, I can’t get no satisfaction
The girls are all around, but none of them want to get with me
My threads are fresh and I’m lookin def, yo, what’s up with L-o-c?
The girls is all jockin’ at the other end of the bar
Havin drinks with some no-name chump, when they know that I’m the star
So I got up and strolled over to the other side of the cantina
I asked the guy, “Why are you so fly?” he said, “The Funky Cold Medina”

Funky Cold Medina

This brother told me a secret on how to get more chicks
Put a little Medina in your glass, and the girls’ll come real quick
It’s better than any alcohol or aphrodisiac
A couple of sips of this love potion, and she’ll be on your lap
So I gave some to my dog when he began to beg
Then he licked his bowl and he looked at me and did the wild thing on my leg
He used to scratch and bite me, before he was much much meaner
But now all the poodles run to my house for the Funky Cold Medina

You know what I’m sayin’?
I got every dog in my neighborhood breakin’ down my door
I got Spuds McKenzie
Alex from Stroh’s
They won’t leave my dog alone with that Medina, pal

I went up to this girl, she said, “Hi, my name is Sheena”
I thought she’d be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina
She said, “I’d like a drink,” I said, “Ehm – ok, I’ll go get it”
Then a couple sips she cold licked her lips, and I knew that she was with it
So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned
But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man
So I threw him out, I don’t fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener
You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina

You know, ain’t no plans with a man
This is the 80’s, and I’m down with the ladies
Ya know?

Break it down

Back in the saddle, lookin’ for a little affection
I took a shot as a contestant on “The Love Connection”
The audience voted, and you know they picked a winner
I took my date to the Hilton for Medina and some dinner
She had a few drinks, I’m thinkin soon what I’ll be getting’
Instead she started talkin ‘bout plans for our weddin’
I said, “Wait, slow down, love, not so fast says, I’ll be seein ya”
That’s why I found you don’t play around with the Funky Cold Medina

Ya know what I’m sayin’
That Medina’s a monster, y’all

Funky Cold Medina

So we are now setting The Chimpton up with some Funky Cold Medina and seeing if we get any better results.

Watch this space!

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About the Author

Lord Davidd of Birko OBE DASc

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving Renault Bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for his beloved bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!

31 Comments on “The Chimpton Needs Some Funky Cold Medina”

  1. Great song. Pass the drink over then father do your worst.
    Okay to be fair I am rather picky although I have fancied men with flaws such as mental hair (I dont do baldies) even moles. As I occasionally can see past the mole for some men :roflao:

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