The Day Merseyside Police Raided Jammy Toast

Posted by Davidd Birko on
Category: Jammy Toast63 Comments

This time of year, always gives me the heebie-jeebies as it reminds me of the day Jammy Toast was raided by the police. It was during the build up to Christmas back in the days when people could go shopping without face-masks and everything was almost normal. I was cruising around the internet trying to find a story to post on the blog. If I have no inspiration, I sometimes look at newspapers online to see if there are any teddy bear related stories or something which Toasters might find interesting or funny. I was looking on the Liverpool Echo website when I came across a story that the police had foiled a plan by a bunch of school kids to all meet-up in John Lewis’ new store in Liverpool One and have a massive game of manhunt, or hide-and-seek as it is more commonly called.

The idea was that all these teens meet-up inside John Lewis’ store and have a massive game of manhunt amongst the elderly clientele and the 50-inch plasma tellies. I thought we could kidnap the story and make it about our bears playing manhunt around the store. It may not have been my best idea for a story but it was funny enough imagining Razzi racing through the blue-rinse brigade, hotly pursued by the rest of the bears.

So, I wrote about our “fictional” plans for the bears to be playing manhunt in-between the tellies and the usual Lewis’ wrinklies. It wasn’t my best work but I thought it was funny and even added Andreaa and her Kirkby Gang as something like a scene from a St Trinian’s film. It was quite mischievous but I knew nobody would take it too seriously.

…or so I thought!

It turns out the store manager of Lewis’s was a little nervous about the Liverpool Echo story and was searching social media and the internet to see if there was any more mention of a manhunt game within his beloved store. He found our post; except he did not think it was as funny as we did. Back in those days, we had our phone number on the blog and so he rang us. He said he was worried that our game my get out of hand and the thought of a bunch of teenagers running amok in his store scared him. I told him to get a life and that the teddy bears in the post were 12-inches-high and if he read the story more thoroughly, he would see it was fictional. Did he really think Razzi and co could run amok?

Bright and early the next morning there was a knock on the door and there stood half of Merseyside Police’s Matrix team. In case you are unfamiliar with this unit, the Matrix team provides the Police with a high-level response to gun crime, faction-based criminality, and cash-in-transit robberies. They are the first response to any major, large-scale disorder within the area and I think they are even armed!

I invited a couple of them in and apologised but they couldn’t all come in because we didn’t have enough mugs for that many cups of coffee. They explained that they were here because they had received reports concerning a large-scale riot in and around John Lewis’ store by a gang known as “The Renault Bears” who live at “Jammy Toast” and are led by the vicious gang-leader known as “The Bearkeeper” and his accomplice “Razzi Bear”.

I couldn’t hold back the merriment any longer and I invited them to come through and meet Razzi. Two police women agreed to leave their riot shields, firearms and helmets at the door and came into Jammy Toast to meet the “gang”. However, they were a little suspicious because Razzi was wearing his little hoodie at the time. He may well have looked like a hoodlum but when he explained to the Police Officers that he couldn’t even get over to Liverpool because I only give him £1 per week pocket money and the train fare was more than that, their faces dropped. They were coming to the realisation that this wasn’t quite the crime of the century they were hoping for.

I told them that the store manager had rung the day before and that I had explained to him that it was a story about teddy bears and they left muttering something about a waste of police time and resources. Hopefully they had the same conversation with Lewis’ manager.

At least it gave the neighbours something to twitch their curtains at.

Razzi, however, was really disappointed he didn’t get a ride in a big yellow Matrix van!

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Posted By

Davidd Birko

A sad and lonely old man who used to have a life but it has now been taken over by his dedication to the cause of saving teddy bears, running Jammy Toast and searching eBay, car boot sales, charity shops, lofts and even under beds for unwanted bears. He has even now taken in Flat Eric to save him from homelessness – his life is no longer his own!

63 Comments on “The Day Merseyside Police Raided Jammy Toast”

  1. Sorry to the kid outside at Woodside who took a direct hit. Andre’s lamb bhuna from last night emerged through the hoop during the big loop during the 4pm show today.

  2. The only thing I’ve ate since my christmas dinner at 4pm on Friday is a piece of chicken yesterday an I’m fucking starving but don’t even have the energy to get out of bed & order food.

  3. Important news.

    SAINSBURY’S HAVE REDUCED THEIR CHRISTMAS CHOCOLATE. Tesco are still being stingy but for those who like nice non-alcoholic drinks they do have half price Shloer.

    This has been a public service announcement.

  4. Do we have to have a bank holiday tomorrow? Can’t we move it to another time when we can spend it doing something other than sitting with the big light on, staring at the wall, contemplating everything we’ve ever said or done?

  5. My wife is a serious hypochondriac. But not for herself. Any time our dog sneezes or doesn’t leap like a gazelle onto the couch, she thinks something is wrong.

    Barkhausen Syndrome, I suppose.

  6. My dad used to wind me up saying he could make it snow on his birthday because I LOVED snow as a kid and thought he was magic. It’s snowing, and it’s his birthday. Have a good one up there pops. Happy birthday daddy miss you :heart:

  7. My human thinks that Barbara and I should be in a circus. She thinks we are very good at balancing and we look like ‘tightrope walkers’. She doesn’t seem to realize that this is easy for cats. She is so proud of us. I won’t disillusion her.

  8. Pooh set off for Rabbit’s house. But he hadn’t got far before he began to say to himself: “Suppose I get stuck in his front door again, as I did once? Because I KNOW I’m not getting fatter, but his front door may be getting thinner.”

  9. Rolf report 28 Dec

    Cat vs. human: the rematch. For a second day, my English human raced me home from campus. I sped off in a different direction to the previous day which gave her hope but she ought to know better. Of course the cat won again. She’s having a rest today.

    Rolf x

  10. She’s on the phone to Nanny Aud, whilst eating a family size bag of wotsits, surrounded by torn open Next carrier bags. I’ve never seen my wife so happy. Like a lioness at a watering hole devouring a zebra. Natural habitat.

  11. Steve the Supervisor very kindly cleared all the snow at Stourbridge whilst the Fat Controller went to another station and cleared all the snow there – keeping it safe for the passengers. I hope I don’t have to give the Fat Controller a massage later, there’s going to be a lot of very tired railway workers.

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