The Pirate

Posted by Mr Benn on
Category: Mr Benn's Adventures42 Comments

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It was a stormy morning in Festive Road. I was waiting for the pelting rain to stop and the skies to clear and then I was planning on going for a walk. To the costume shop, perhaps. In the shop I thought I would let fate decide which costume to try – I just span around and pointed. The shopkeeper’s eyes twinkled and I took the intriguing costume into the changing room. Could it be a pirate’s outfit?

Sure enough, when I stepped out of the other door, I found myself on the deck of a sailing ship and from the top of its mast was flying the skull and crossbones. Suddenly there was a cry of “Ship ahoy!” and bulky, bluff Captain Tempest appeared from beneath deck. He ordered the sailors to catch the ship they had spied and plunder its booty.

I wondered at this. Can we catch the ship? I questioned the sailors. They replied that they certainly could, but certainly wouldn’t. They were determined not to be pirates and hadn’t caught a ship yet. So it proved with this particular ship.

Later, I took dinner into the Captain’s quarters where I found him poring over a map of an island. His island, the Captain told me. But, he added mournfully, there aren’t any crosses on it because we haven’t bagged any treasure to bury.

The ship pulled into harbour at the island – just in time, because a storm was suddenly whipping up. “Ship ahoy!” rang out the cry again and the sailors turn to see a ship out at sea being tossed and turned by the great waves of the storm. The ship shall surely be wrecked if no-one saves her, said the sailors, but there is nothing they can do about it, the Captain would not permit a rescue.

I conspiratorially suggested to the sailors that they pretend to go after the ship for its treasure and really bring it back to harbour and safety. I hauled down and hid the skull and crossbones while the sailors strained and soon they had rescued the ship and brought vessel and crew to the haven of the harbour.

The Captain was delighted – so his sailors were not hopeless after all. The men of the rescued ship cheered Captain Tempest and his crew and the Captain was flattered, and pleased. Then he remembered he was a pirate. “Of course, we only rescued you to steal your treasure” he thundered. “So hand it over. What is it? Gold? Jewels?”

The rescued sailors laughed – where is the ship’s skull and crossbones if it is a pirate ship? And anyway, they had no treasure, only trees and flowers, but they will gladly give some of these to the Captain.

The Captain was highly distressed, until I made a suggestion. Why not plant trees on the island and mark each spot with a cross on the island’s map. They can be treasure trees. The crew looked hopefully at the Captain, will he agree?

He beamed, and Captain and crew were finally of the same mind – pirates no more.

Later, a sailor played an old sea-shanty and both crews join in lustily. Then the shopkeeper appeared and led me away from the happy scene. Back in the shop, I found the Jolly Roger flag still tucked under my tunic. “Captain Tempest won’t be needing that any more Sir, thanks to your help,” said the shopkeeper, and offered the flag to me. My largest souvenir yet.

Back in Festive Road it is sunny and warm now, and a fruit van is making deliveries.

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About the Author

Mr Benn

Mr Benn is a normal bowler hat-wearing gentleman who lives in an ordinary residential street in London. Every day he visits a costume shop where he meets the shopkeeper who, as if by magic, sends him off on another exciting adventure. Mr Benn is now a cult phenomenon appearing first in books and later as the star of a BBC television series in the 1970s.


42 Comments on “The Pirate”

  1. I think Mr Benn’s favorite costume is the “businessman” outfit he wears every day. It’s clear he isn’t really a businessman as he spends all his days visiting fancy dress shops and having magical adventures.

  2. Even though I’ve been repeatedly told how adorable and cute I am this evening (all true I admit it) I might actually attempt some sleep soon. Fun times. Don’t worry, I will be back. Probably.

  3. Rabbit gave the careless laugh which you give when you know the Forest so well you can’t get lost.
    Piglet sidled up to Pooh. “Pooh!” he whispered.
    “Yes, Piglet?”
    “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. “I just wanted to be sure of you.”

  4. In one minute I’ve just had the weird anxious feeling about money, bills, holiday etc. Then that same minute hmrc refund hit the bank, someone paid me via PayPal after being a pain, and someone text about money they owe me. Fucking universe mate.

    In one hand out the other but hey it’s fine.

  5. I want to buy the kids them new Liverpool kits but my ex made them Evertonians the fucking piece of shit!

    HAHAHAHAHA my youngest now says she wants to support Liverpool :nails:

  6. I was delighted when those kind people at the Inland Revenue wrote to me recently telling me that my tax return was outstanding, particularly since I can’t even remember sending it in.

    Tom McCann, Wokingham.

  7. Why do people think it’s safe to pick their noses in the car? It isn’t an invisibility cloak…

    I see you, dude in the suit, mining deep for that gold.

  8. The train is rammed when it’s usually fine at this time. Full of posh 70 year old women with Southport accents and grim opinions of Liverpool, lipstick bleeding all over the gaff. I never want to be old and a cunt you know. Fucking stay in your lane, Maureen.

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